T'was the Stroke Before Christmas
Part 2

by blinkie (Steve Chiappa)

But I got off track. We were airborne now and between reading and daydreaming, I had lost track of time. I looked up from my book. Three hours and 157 pages had passed. We were in our final descent into Newark Airport. We were almost there. Nothing could stop the cold cuts now.

Before heading off to Connecticut we would be spending one night at my daughter Tara’s home. (She and her sister Brea are the product of my first marriage and David is the product of Cindy’s first. One of the great joys of my life is how well the four of our children get along. They truly function as one family. There are no steps whatsoever! We are totally accessible!)

Tara and her husband Erik met us at the gate, and with the cold cuts safely in tow we were off to explore all the wonders of the city.

There is no place in the world like New York City at Christmas. We had only a day to take in all that Manhattan had to offer, and I was determined that we wouldn’t miss anything. I became a shepherd, guiding his flock through the crowded streets, trying to keep them on a schedule that would have made Mussolini proud.

Our first stop was the theater district, to drop off the car and to pick up half-price tickets for a matinee later that afternoon. Cindy and Mike huddled to make their selection. Not many shows were being discounted during the busy holiday season, but two shows stood out. The first was Disney’s musical extravaganza Beauty and the Beast, a perfect musical for the holiday season, and the second was something called By Jeeves, a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

On the one hand, Beauty and the Beast was a Broadway smash. A lavish musical with an unforgettable score, it was perfect Christmastime fare. Unfortunately it had two things going against it: Cindy and I had already seen it, and the available seats were scattered around the theater.

On the other hand, By Jeeves was a play that we knew nothing about — but it was composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber. How bad could it be? We made our choice. The family must stay together. We chose By Jeeves. The choice would portend how the holiday was going to go.

I have been a lover of Broadway all of my adult life. I used to be able to say honestly that I had never seen a Broadway show I didn’t like. I can no longer make that statement. Michael, who has also become a great lover of Broadway, feels that there is a direct correlation between me seeing the play and having the stroke. While this criticism may be a little harsh, it is not far off the mark.

Having bought the tickets, we got some lunch, went up to Rockefeller Center to see the tree, then made it to the theater with plenty of time to spare. We settled in, the curtain rose, and, in less than half an hour, our eyes closed. There is no way to adequately describe how truly awful this play was. Suffice it to say that I would rather catch a bowling ball with my teeth than sit through this play again.