If Your Board Name Was A Food
BREAKFAST
El_Kabong :
Cereal. Doubles as multi-surface cleaner.
Mahna Mahna :
Insanely sugary breakfast cereal with little bits of colourful "marshmallows" shaped like Muppets. Will turn your milk bright pink.
Meeko :
Diminutive Cheerios. In the singular.
ArrMatey! :
Cereal shaped like cannons. 90% sugar.
big alex :
A handheld meat pie/baked good that can be eaten while driving; typically available from convenience stores
Umbriel2 :
High-fiber cereal with raisins
Modern-caveman :
Like Fruity Pebbles, 'cept with nuts
LIGHT FARE/SIDES
BigT :
A minty, tea-tree-shampoo flavored gum
freckafree :
A salty, crunchy snack
twickster :
A savory, crunchy snack food; sort of like Chex Mix, but spicier
panache45 :
A feathery crepe, served on a vinyl single
pbbth :
Raspberries
singular1 :
A multi-layered amuse-bouche: sweet and sour and tangy all at the same time, served on a plate with swoops of an exotic syrup and dusted with something shaved and ridiculously expensive and addictive that shoots your tongue right into your cheek
Stealth Potato :
A baked spud served by ninjas, inserted expertly into your stomach when you least expect it (shuriken-style)
Simmerdown :
Rice-A-Roni
[PapSett]s :
Light, flaky, cheese-flavored snack crackers
Zoe :
A bread made originally only by Tibetan monks, but is produced also now in India and at a monastary in Kentucky. Only monks and their designates may eat it (you will be required to sign a nondisclosure agreement). It has a slightly sweet taste to it. When stored in a mixture of bink and honey, it does not spoil, and can be dried out and restored to freshness. It is said that it can sustain life by itself for many years. Bootleg zoe, pecan, olive, and cream cheese sandwiches are currently quite popular in Kentucky
Princhester :
A type of cheese
SOUPS
Leiko :
Leek soup
Sigmagirl :
Greek alphabet soup that didn't pass inspection
Zsofia :
Cold Hungarian fruit soup (usually only available on cruise ships)
VarlosZ :
A chunky, stew-type dish from Eastern Europe
middleman :
A Depression-era vegetable and broth stew
ENTREES
HongKongFooey :
An Asian dish, possibly containing dog
blondebear :
SquidRing
WarmNPrickly :
Bramble soufflé
Lanzy :
T-bone
Hypno-Toad :
Tastes like hypno-chicken
Surly Chick :
Fiery hot chicken
MadTheSwine :
Pork chops marinated in very cheap wine
YogSosoth :
A stew of some kind, with lots of ingredients, none remotely edible, in the form of balls
Rhythmdvl :
Something gumbo-like with a lot of unidentified spices and native plants, mostly collected at midnight under a full moon
Trick Rider :
Pierogies, bison sausage, and hot sauce
calm kiwi :
Very gamey, tough chicken with mashed potato
Super Kapowzler :
A spicy hot dog topped with homemade chili and raw red oinions
Polycarp :
Fish stew, made with lots of fish
TruCelt :
Your choice of freshly-caught salmon roasted over a camp fire on a bed of wild dill and onions, or razor clams roasted on a bed of caragheen
wolf-alice :
A British staple in the grand tradition of spotted dick or toad-in-the-hole. Confuses Americans. Does not contain wolves.
King Bobo :
"Differently challenged" salmon
Anduril :
A kebab of spicy beef, served sticking out of a cowboy hat
Lamar Mundane :
Boiled lamb
Livardo :
Argentinian liver sandwich
ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES
Martini Enfield :
A classic martini garnished with a dash of gunpowder
Amber in Treasury :
A fruity cocktail
Lethal Babydoll :
Jello shooter
Intergalactic Gladiator :
A pint of Smithwicks with a crispy piece of bacon in it, and a squirt of EZ Cheez on a plate next to it
Cat Whisperer :
An Australian wine
Darryl Lict :
Everclear and Mad Dog 20/20
manila :
Vodka and mango juice
Super Kapowzler :
A shot from EVERY bottle in the bar, over ice, served in a beer-pitcher, and shared with friends at a table; no one leaves the table until it is gone
Bacon Salt :
A 100-proof drink, but it’s so sugary you can't taste the alcohol
BestWifeEver :
Bacon-flavored beer, served in a boobs-shaped glass
Jamodu Green :
A cocktail featuring Midori
NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES
Taomist :
Green, sparkly tea drink
Loisseau :
Snotty French sparkling water
Negative Lite :
A diet drink that requires more calories to digest than it produces
Small Hen :
A financially bankrupt brand of tea, occasionally drunk by twenty-ish hipsters in gay coffee houses
bink :
Grapefruit soda
Lobsang :
A Chinese tea drink
Randy Seltzer :
An aphrodisiac soft drink
fluiddruid :
An environmentally-friendly energy drink
toadspittle :
A Japanese canned coffee beverage flavored with shrimp meal and hydrolyzed frog leg extract
Sunspace :
An organic, refreshing tea; like green tea, only yellower
DESSERTS
Brown Eyed Girl :
A piping hot kind of apple brown betty, with peanut butter balls
slightly askew :
A lopsided confection involving a lot of fluffy frosting
Annie-Xmas :
A holiday confection, like a sugar plum
faithfool :
Something like bread pudding
Erdosain :
An East German chocolate bar
Hockey Monkey :
A novelty ice cream treat on a stick, shaped like a money, usually only served at hockey games
eenerms :
Gummy candy that makes an “eenerms” sound when you chew
Ellen Cherry :
A sundae
CT_Damsel :
Your choice of divinity or marzipan
Malleus, Incus, Stapes! :
Made by a celebrity chef, with vanilla icing, your choice of strawberries or cherries, and multiple fondant layers that resemble the Sydney Opera House
Tastes of Chocolate :
A diet candy bar
Irishman :
Gingerbread men with green icing
Spatial Rift 47 :
Cacao beans are taken from trees in the darkest heart of the Amazon. There, they are flown directly to Africa, and carried on the backs of the locals there into the darkest heart of the African jungle, where they get lost. Once they are found, they are flown to a cacao processing plant in Geneva, where they are made into three different varieties of chocolate, each distinguished by its own mixture of seasonings (with emphasis on sea salt and jalapeno powder). From there, they are each mixed into their own type of decadently fluffy chocolate mousse and swirled together in a large martini glass, served with a single cherry in the center
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