Ravings from Dave
by DaveW0071
One Coffee, Hold the Ostentation
Let me state first of all that I like coffee. Plain coffee.
Maybe cappuccino once in a while. But the flavors and permutations that have
been en vogue for the past decade or so leave me unimpressed. If I wanted
hazelnuts and French Vanilla, I'd have bought a candy bar. There are two
things I feel should be left unadulterated by designer flavors, and these
are coffee and beer. The other basic food groups are open territory; just
leave the java and the brewskis alone, thanks.
For this reason, I've been to a Starbuck's coffee shop
exactly once in my life. Well, technically, twice, but the other time was
because I needed to get change for the parking meter. Specifically, I've
gone to consume their product only once. I was lured partly by the hype of
people who were swept up in the wave of coffee trendiness. These people expressed
awe at how Starbucks had turned mere coffee into an Experience. For the loyal
converts, it was Starbucks or nothing. And they went at all hours of the
day, usually more than once a day. I know one man who took out a second mortgage
in order to support his Starbucks habit.
I was dubious at the thought that a mere cup of coffee
can be worth upwards of $5.00. I figured either this coffee provides an epiphany
rivaling that of Jean D'Arc, or else someone has discovered the scam of the
century. A scam, you say? Well, basically, yeah. I figure it this way: if
I buy the house brand coffee beans at my supermarket, they're about $3.99
for twelve ounces. I grind them myself and brew my own coffee in the morning,
getting two cups every day for half a month or more. I am spending, literally,
pennies a cup. If I go to the corner deli and get myself a 16-ounce cup of
coffee, I'll pay between a buck and a half and $1.99. That's understandable,
since they're a business, and they have overhead to meet and a profit margin
to consider. Plus, they usually have a coffee-and-buttered roll deal, so
I'm getting what I like to think is breakfast. Also, with the economy the
way it is, two dollars is not unreasonable. I'd rather spend it on coffee
than on a gallon of gas.
But as far as I can see, the only reason Starbuck's charges
what they do is because their stores have subdued ambient lighting, and because
they call their employees "baristas." I looked up the word "barista" and
after much online searching, I found it under slang terms, subheading "Seattle."
Hmmmm…this coffee is starting to smell a little fishy, I thought. It
went on to say that it was an Italian word, meaning "bartender", but it had
been hijacked to replace "espresso puller" in the coffee industry. So we've
gone from "espresso puller" to "barista"? This is like charging eight bucks
for an egg cream, because it's being served by a "carbonation dispenser
technician" instead of a soda jerk.
As far as I'm concerned, it's still just coffee, served
by a coffee shop employee. You can dress it up and put hot whipped milk in
it, or flavor it up with two cents worth of cinnamon and some pre-packaged
chocolate shavings, but that "barista" is going to return to his English
Comp homework as soon as he drops your ten bucks in the register. Six months
ago, this kid was delivering newspapers, and now he's got a job title implying
years of training and a family history of barista-ing that can be traced
back to the Medicis. They don't even have the decency to hire elegant, mysterious
Europeans to masquerade as professional, imported baristas. Hey, if I'm grinding
the beans and brewing the coffee at home, does that make me a barista? Probably
not, since it still only costs me pennies a cup when I'm doing it myself,
nor do I wear a black vest.
All this proves only one thing: you can charge a lot
of money for something as long as you make people think it's worth the money
you're asking. You want a plain cup of coffee? Fine. Go to a deli or a coffee
shop. You'll get a "cup of Joe" poured by a "waitress". It'll only cost you
a buck, but you get what you pay for, don't you? Instead, you can have a
"barista" custom prepare a pre-measured and pre-packaged mocha-frappa-javaccino.
Hey, it's your money.