Pornology of the Life of Noam Chomsky

by The Covert Comic

1928:

Chomsky born in Germany
Or Minnesota, or both

1933:

Family forced to leave Germany by the Nazis
Or forced to leave Nazis by the Germans
Or Minnesota, or both

1936:

Probably something about
New Deal Anti-Fascist Socialist International
And some oppressed Worker
Beating a dog

1939:

And there's got to be an Early Influence
Some Woman named Gold Man, or something
And young Noam utters several words, thereby
demonstrating
An early aptitude for language

1943:

Talks about volunteering
For military service in World War II
Only to be told:
'It's all language'

1950's:

Red Scare
Blacklisting
Followed shortly by
Black Scare
Redlisting

And Chomsky feels inner rumblings
Portending momentous insight:
US Government policy
Often favors rich people

1960:

First learns of 'linguistics'
While tongue kissing in Latin class
... I guess you had to be there

1961:

Small, wrinkled human
Emerges from Wisconsin vagina
Won't happen again for at least five decades
Chomsky not responsible
Though you have to admit: that's one hell of a story

1962:

Publishes first article on linguistics
First article consists of the word 'the'
(Yeah, those FBI guys didn't laugh at that joke either
... Sorry)

1962 and 1/2:

Becomes internationally famous
And well he should

1963:

Does not assassinate JFK
But does criticize him a little

1964:

Appears on the Ed Sullivan Show
Famous 'hip-shaking linguistics' incident
Forever barred from analyzing language
On family television

1965:

Can't get no satisfaction
But does give great linguistics

1968:

Time of great social ferment
Society begins to rot, turn into moonshine
Chomsky publishes book on linguistic theory
Makes radical claim
But owing to the nature of language
No one can know what the claim is

1969:

More social ferment
Though only a kid, I am present at Altamont
Witness the Official End of the Sixties
During this period, my Pop claims I see Chomsky
But I don't recognize him
Not with those glasses of his!

1970:

Seriously
You better Stop the War
Or
We'll elect a conservative whore
After this decade is out

1980:

Please Restore the War
As soon as possible
Also, Chomsky receives a Guggenheim
Or Nazi Germany
Or Minnesota, or both

1986:

Interviewed on National Public Radio
Introduces new concept in linguistics:
The Theory of Central America
Shows, via linguistic analysis
Poems by Republicans
Cannot exist

1954:

Uses linguistics
To travel back in time
Changes name to 'Noam Chomsky'
Quips: "A name is a life sentence
... Get it?"

1990's:

Did somebody say something?
Hard times for linguists

2112:

Interviewed on National Public Mind Meld
Comments on new trends
In thought transference
And the future of linguistic theory
In a tongueless society
And who really blew up the World Trade Center?
Chomsky declares:
US Government policy
Frequently makes him puke

2222:

Finally acknowledges
What biographers have long suspected:
'Noam Chomsky' is one hilarious-sounding name
Especially for a linguist

January 3047:

Refuses to annihilate all women
Though he has developed the powers to do so

Fall 3047:

Awarded the Nobel Prize for Comedy®
In famous thought-speech renouncing linguistics
Intellectualizes the now famous quote:
'I am finished with tongue-tonguing'

95862 'K':

Council of the Great Attractor
Officially declares Chomsky
Inexplicably still alive, possibly immortal
'Though only time will tell
... Probably'

Hey, it's not Chomsky's fault
The whole damn cosmos
And by extension, linguistics
Amount to a corny-ass joke

Eternity:

This shadow sun
Would that it were breathing
But I have seen it beat, like a heartthrob
More than once in these score and twenty years