Disneyland Daze

by Sister Coyote

How many Disneyland Cast Members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Although some, thinking of Mickey, might decide the answer is two (the trick is getting them in there), the real answer is one of the following:

a) All of them. One to do it, and the rest to talk about it.

or

b) One, and he'd damn well better be from Electrical.

Both are true in their own way. I remember joking once that if something happened in Critter Country (Formerly Bear Country) we'd know about it in Star Traders within 15 minutes. Later that day, one of the people I hired in with was termed (fired) in Critter Country at noon. We knew about it in Star Traders at 12:10.

But that's not what people want to hear about. Y'all want to hear about the funny stuff, about Walt being frozen cryogenically and tucked into a corner of the Park (as Cast Members - employees - refer to the place). No, he isn't, by the way, although I've been told that his ghost haunts Pirates of the Caribbean. Rumor has it you can hear him coughing from the lead's office, below stairs.

I don't know about a lot of stuff - but here are a handful of anecdotes, many of which just go to prove that people are just as dumb as you think they are.

1. Stupid Questions

Are you open until you close?

They tell you when you hire on that you'll be asked this question at some point. It's even in the employee handbook. I don't think a single person in any of my hire groups believed it. Not until we were asked, anyway.

Where's the castle?

I got asked this only once when it was humorous - because the guest asking and I were in the Castle Christmas Shop, which is in Sleeping Beauty's Castle. The guest got a deer in the headlights look, at which she repeated the question, much more snidely.

"If you'll step outside, ma'am, and look up -"

"No, I mean the other castle."

"It's a Small World?" By this point I was completely bewildered.

"No. The other castle."

"Florida?" Bucking for a guest complaint (GC), but it was the only thing my poor befuzzled brain could think of.

"NO. The Other Castle. There is another castle in this park. I am supposed to meet my daughter there."

At this point, I surrendered. I tried to suggest that maybe her daughter was waiting on the moat side of the castle. No dice. Finally, I said, "Well, there is a tiny castle at Casey Jr.'s..."

She left. I have no idea if she ever met her daughter or not. I was just grateful I didn't pick up a GC on that one.

Will you watch my (baby, toddler, child) while I go on ride X?

Yes. I genuinely got asked this question. Frequently. The answer was always a flat "no" - one of the few times I felt okay saying it, too.

In fact, one woman was so insistent that I informed her I would be walking by the attraction (Star Tours, I think it was) in about ten minutes, and that if I saw the baby there in an unattended stroller I was going to call Security - and it would be up to them where things went from there.

We did occasionally see parents park strollers (with occupant) and get in line, too. That just baffled me - sure, Disneyland's safe, but come on! Anything could have happened. And you know who these nimrods would have blamed.

Note to parents: Babies smaller than two are way too small for Disneyland. Get a sitter. Don't rely on the cast members for your sitting. Also, Disney offers this neat thing called a baby swap. Stand in line, then you ride while spouse or other adult holds baby and then swap roles. Sure, it's not as cool as getting to ride with the other person, but it beats something happening to the kid.

Where's Magic Mountain?

For those of you not familiar with the Southern California area, there is a theme park named Six Flags Magic Mountain in Valencia - about two hours from Anaheim. Most often, people were looking for the Matterhorn, which doesn't explain why I got asked this question most often while standing in Stromboli's (across from Village Haus, below the Fantasyland Skyway), where the Matterhorn is clearly visible.

On a related note, Fantasia is a movie by the Walt Disney Company, and is currently available on DVD (I think). Fantasmic! on the other hand, is the show that happens on the Rivers of America summer nights. Don't be surprised when a cast member leads you to the videos when you ask where Fantasia is. Especially don't get pissed off - they're just answering your question.

We used to joke that guests (park attendees) checked their brains at the door. Who knew?

2. Stupid People

One of my favorite stories is one I tell on myself. When exiting Carnation Plaza Gardens one evening, I hit a slight slope and slid right down into the gutter, which was full of water thanks to the nice guy from Custodial who was hosing down the dance floor. I bought new shoes the next day, but that didn't stop all of us from having a laugh at my expense.

When watching the Parade (any Parade), find a single place and watch from there. Do not watch on the move.

While working Guest Assistance (its new name) on Main Street one hot summer night, I saw a man walking along the outside of the ropes, his child (of indeterminate gender from the rear) on his shoulders. More specifically, I saw him walking along pointing things on the floats out to his child, pointed right at the 3' poles used to hold the ropes stationary. Electric Parade was loud. I was rushing after him, saying "Oh, sir, oh, sir" because I could see where this was going - where he was going. Didn't reach him in time.

What impressed me most was that he didn't drop the kid. He declined my offer of help, and they continued on after a moment.

There's a reason we say "don't run."

While working Gepetto's (which is tucked between the exit to Pinocchio and Village Haus), I heard the pitter patter of little running feet. Great, I think.

Then, I hear the slapping of larger feet. And a thud that shakes the wall behind me. Concerned, I go outside to see what's happened. Dad, chasing a little girl, has run into the door to my shop, and is now sitting on the concrete. I say, "Are you okay, sir?"

"I'm fine. See, honey? That's why I said don't run."

I guess if you have to provide an object lesson...

All signs say "No Smoking."

Even the ones that say "You might get wet" or "Restrooms." Really. That's the only reason I can think of for the woman to be so furious getting off of Splash Mountain. "Nobody told me I'd get wet."

What did she think the flume was for? Show?

Another tale on myself. Ice Cream side of Carnation Plaza Gardens was always a bastion of rock-hard ice cream, until the day the reefer broke. One of the leads could see what was wrong, but Electrical had to fix it and we couldn't get them out. So, we did the best we could, but the ice cream wasn't as firm as it could have been.

Things were working out okay, though, until I had a guest order sherbet. I reached down with the scoop...and stood there staring at my empty hand. Must have hit an air pocket or something, but that sherbet sucked the scoop down in with enough force to almost take my hand with it.

What a mess.

3. Grad Nights

Grad nights are some of the most challenging shifts to work - they most often start at 8 p.m. and go until the wee hours of the morning. I recall one where I wandered around the shop mumbling "When you have finished with your cast member, please return them to their full upright position." To this day, I have no idea what I meant.

All the attractions have cameras. Don't fool yourself into thinking that they don't. One summer, there was a lead at Pirates of the Caribbean who had an...interesting way of dealing with things.

Young couple #1 is getting it on hot and heavy throughout the ride. When they arrive on the dock, the entire on-shift crew is waiting for them. They're brought up to see the cameras.

"We were enjoying the show. Would you like to go again?"

Young couple #2 are also enjoying themselves, when over the speaker (usually reserved for "we'll be moving again in just a moment" messages) they hear:

"Young lady, this is your Father..."

My understanding is that the young man in question appeared to want to get not only as far away on the seat from his date as possible, he also wanted to get as far away in the boat as he could.

I've wracked my brain for other anecdotes (that I can safely share; some, like the amazing capsizing canoe are verboten by the powers that be); I know not all of these are funny, but they are true. Except, possibly, the Grad Night couples; I've never worked attractions and got those second-hand.