Ponderings
by Fenris
After literally decades of looking, I finally managed
to get my hands on the one remaining unreprinted Heinlein story that had
eluded me.
The bulk of Heinlein’s work is in print, but there
were three stories that he hated so much that he demanded they never
be reprinted. These were referred to by Heinlein as "Stinkeroos.” Heinlein
wasn’t able to sell these to the important magazines (ASTOUNDING,
for instance). They were also published under various pseudonyms. Note the
“Lyle Monroe” name on the cover? That’s Heinlein.
Anyway, I thought it'd be fun to review 'em with a
detailed synopsis. There are enough Heinlein fans out there who’re curious
about these three lost stories that I thought I’d go beyond the usual
one- or two-sentence summaries they usually get. Note that I'm not putting
spoiler space in, since there's no shock ending to spoil and since these
things are impossible to find, but be forewarned.
The first of the three stories that I’ll give
a detailed synopsis and review for (and hardest for me to find) was “My
Object All Sublime,” published in the pulp FUTURE, 2/42 issue.
Beyond the wonderful Hannes Bok cover (which is one
of the reasons that it’s so hard to find; not only did FUTURE
have a low print run, but this issue is wanted by Bok collectors as well
as Heinlein collectors), FUTURE seems to be a pretty schlocky pulp.
The inside front cover has an ad for a 5 volume set of books of "taboo"
photographs from around the world.
The title of the story refers to a Gilbert and Sullivan
song from The Mikado. The verse goes:
My object all sublime
...which pretty much sums up the story. The story opens
with our hero, a reporter reminiscent of the hero of "Our Fair City" (one
of Heinlein's most underrated stories) being assigned to cover a story. It
seems that for some reason, bad drivers at a particular intersection come
out smelling like skunks. When our hero goes to the intersection, he bumps
into a little man who isn't there. He corners the guy and invites him to
have a drink. The two retire to a bar and the little guy explains that he's
a scientist who's invented a device that bends light around the user, thus
rendering the user invisible (and blind, unless they're wearing special glasses).
The reason Cuthbert (the little guy) is stinking people up is that he's trying
to A) improve the quality of drivers in the city and B) People are always
complaining about 'those dirty, stinking drivers' so Cuthbert is being just
and C) to have some laffs. The reporter tries to suggest a few better uses,
but Cuthbert (possibly the first Heinleinian Libertarian) rejects them all.
(Give it to the government? Horrors no! They’d misuse it! Use it to
sneak backstage of a floorshow? Heavens no! That'd violate people's privacy!)
The reporter decides that Cuthbert has the right idea
and gets in on the act, helping Cuthbert with his mischief. Eventually Cuthbert
is caught (he's making another batch of skunk juice...the cops don't know
he's got an invisibility device) and bail is set for $70,000.00. The reporter
springs Cuthbert from the pokey with the help of an obliging actress and
asks Cuthbert to stop while the heat is on. Cuthbert ignores the reporter's
advice and starts spraying again. Well, Cuthbert squirts a couple of kidnappers,
and rescues a kid, becoming a hero. The invisibility device is destroyed,
but Cuthbert'll build a new one soon.
------------------
The problem with this story is the pacing. Heinlein's
got a good premise here, the characters are typically engaging and the story
starts out well. Then, rather than escalate the action, the story stalls
with the characters just stinking up drivers and nothing else (there's also
far too much in the way of explanation of the way the invisibility device
works). And the ending with the convenient kidnappers seemed tacked on. The
second half of the story has an unpleasantly dream-like pace. Nothing happens;
there're no consequences and nothing really changes. It was worth reading
- I wouldn't quite rate it as a stinkeroo, but it's certainly not up to par
with Heinlein's other work from this period.
By the way...the illustrator of the story signed his
illustration and the scrawl sure looks like "damon knighta" or "knightn".
Was Knight ever an illustrator? The drawing isn't bad, but it's no Michael
Whelan either.
Next issue: The Lost Stories of Robert Heinlein #2:
"Beyond Doubt."
The
Lost Stories of Robert Heinlein, Part 1
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime…