The Other End of the Phone
by zoogirl
"Hello, is this Mrs Smith? Hi, it's Ann from The Carpet Cleaning Company (not the real name). We did some work for you last year?"
At first, I couldn't figure out why she started to laugh, loudly.
"You won't believe this", she said, "Guess what I'm doing right this second - having my carpet cleaned!"
Actually, after fifteen months as a telemarketer, I'd believe anything. I took the job to begin with because my income from the zoo wasn't quite enough to get by. One of the other zookeepers worked there too and got me the job. I figured it would last a couple months,and I was ready to hate every second. Boy, was I wrong! Not a day goes by without either a customer or a coworker cracking me up. Some of the calls are true classics.
This past summer I got a very polite young girl. "Hi, this is Ann from TCCC. Is Mr or Mrs Smith available?
"I'm sorry", she said brightly. "THEY'RE in the shower!" Oops! My co-worker Paul got an even better one. I was sitting in front of him at the time, so I know it was for real.
"Hi, is your mom or dad home?"
"My Daddy's at work and Mommy is in the shower--with Uncle Frank!" Oh, uh, WAY oops!
I've gotten a few people who were just out of the shower too, including a lady who told me she would have to get back to me as she was stark naked and dripping. Any guys out there who are thinking this job sounds kind of fun after all, never mind. She sounded about seventy ! I actually got a lady IN the shower once too. Turned out that if she left the phone out her three year old would answer it and never let the caller go. Darned if she didn't make a booking too!
We make our calls several ways. As experienced TM's, we make mostly calls to repeat customers. We have printed sheets made up of callbacks not claimed by other TM's, individual sheets of our own callbacks, by month, and most of us keep handwritten "shortlists" of people who need to be called within a month. Some of the numbers get onto more than one sheet, and sometimes people call direct to head office and book without us knowing. Naturally there is the odd screwup...
A few weeks ago I was calling Mrs Smith off my shortlist. I was in the middle of taking her booking when she asked me to hold on while she took a call on her other line. I heard John at the back of the room say, "Hello, Mrs Smith? This is John from TCCC." Well, I started to laugh, he cracked up and when Mrs Smith cameback on the line, she was laughing too. Yes, I got the booking! I get people faily often who tell me they're already booked, but I got a real good one a while back..
"Hi, this is Ann, etc."
"Oh yes, your technician is right here. Do you want to talk to him?"
"Uh, no, just checking!" Whew! Good thing she didn't just hand him the phone!
Even better than some of our regular customers is "Fun With Wrong Numbers" One of my favorites is the time I inadvertently called our biggest rival. Good thing I got the answering machine! Since we call people who have used us in the past eight years, some types of call sheets have a high percentage of wrong numbers. I even got the number of our own head office once!
Sometimes people are a little unclear about who I'm looking for. I got an older couple once who apparently really didn't like TM's. Unfortunately they also had the number of a past customer. Since they were on both their phones I got it in stereo.
"Hi, is this the Smith residence?"
No, it was not, and furthermore they wanted to know how I got the number. I explained that I was trying to reach the people who used to have their number as we had done work for them. They both got right hostile, and kept insisting that they didn't want their carpets done, and why was I calling them. I spent nearly five minutes trying to explain that it wasn't them I was trying to call. We're supposed to be polite and not just hang up, but I finally had to bail out. I don't think they ever did figure out that I didn't want to talk to them!
Over the past year I have called a number of people I know. I've gotten old friends, relatives and people from Church. One of the best, though, wasn't my call. My friend Karla has a habit of answering the phone with "Hi, it's Karla". We had a new TM sitting across from me doing "cold calls" and one morning I heard him say "Hello Karla, this is K---from TCCC. This IS the Smith residence?" I knew it was her right away. Since we talk a lot among ourselves, everyone knew who Karla was and poor K.couldn't understand what was up when we all started to snicker. Now Karla has a pretty good sense of humour, and she gave the poor guy a totally hard time.
"Well hi, K, sorry, I have hardwood floors,and I have no intention of booking, but is Ann there?" He looked over at me and said "Uh, yeah, I think so, um, she's nodding!"
"Well, K, could you tell her Karla said hi?!"
"Um, Ann, Karla says hi?!"
By this time we were all laughing and poor K couldn.t figure out what was going on! She went on for a while more, asking if he was my secretary, and generally fouling him right up! Poor guy only lasted a few days with us...
As I mentioned, we do talk between calls quite a bit. The current crop of TM's all have agreat sense of humour, and love to joke around. I have a talent for coming up with smart-aleck verses almost instantly. Every once in a while, someone will say something and set me off. Usually they're a good way to get rid of a pet peeve. For instance--
New hardwood floors?
We hope you get
Large splinters in your feet
And slip and fall
Quite heavilly
Directly on your seat!
We hope your dog
Can't get a grip
And leaves a scratch, or ten
And all of this
Convinces you
To carpet, once again!
Or how about this-
The makers of Bissell
Should sit on a thistle
The Rug Docter sounds like a quack
If you rent a machine
We hope it won't clean
And you lift it and throw out your back!
Great way to relieve tension!
I could go on - for instance I haven't even touched the joys of trying to pronounce names with five consecutive consonants - but I'll leave you with this...
"Hi, is this the Smith residence?"
Elderly lady: "Who?" "The Smith residence? This is Ann from TCCC. We did some work for you last year."
"WHO dear?", sound of running machinery, "I can't quite hear you."
"It's ANN from TCCC. We did your CARPETS!"
"I'm sorry dear, hold on a minute"
Sound of closing door. Noise level slightly reduced.
"Now dear, Who did you say you were?"
"I said it's TCCC!!! Do you need your CARPETS CLEANED?!"
"I'm sorry, dear, I just can't hear you! THE MAN THAT'S CLEANING THE CARPET IS MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE!!!"
Arrrgh!