Near Miss
by Mr. Badger
The worst gun accident fear is that of one caused by the negligence of another. I once came nauseatingly close to losing My Boys to an errant .22 round, which seems somehow appropriate as this tale contains so many of the classic Darwin Award elements – a bar, a girl, a bunch of alcohol, and a gun.
Summertime Saturday night in Whitefish, Montana is not the party frenzy of ski season as there aren’t as many tourists and the locals tend to scatter about enjoying other recreational activities — but there is still entertainment to be had. I was looking for some in the old, pre-casino Remington when I caught the eye of a cute brunette. She had driven in from one of the outlying redneck towns and was also looking for a good time. We talked, we drank, we danced, we flirted, and eventually decided to go outside for some cooler air and herbal refreshment.
As we walked down the street, she held my arm tight and agreed that a trip out to the lake to enjoy the full moon from the beach was a good idea. I was thinking things looked good for the rest of the night.
I’ve never done this kind of thing before, have
you?
Yes I have but only a time or two.
Third rate romance, low rent rendezvous.”
one of those ‘70s southern bands
She unlocked the door of her car, then reached over to unlock my side. I opened up and swung into the seat; just before hitting bottom, I heard, “Wait a minute, don’t sit on my… ”
!BANG!
When a bullet skids across the seat of your jeans hard enough to leave a copper trace followed by a point-blank muzzle blast there is some sensation. Knowing well how injuries that are really going to hurt go numb for a while, I jumped from the car, dropped trou, and reached back, fully expecting a bloody mess. My relief at finding nothing but healthy butt cheek soon turned to anger as I realized…
“YOU COULD HAVE BLOWN MY BALLS OFF!”
She sat wide-eyed as I reached back into the car to grab the Ruger .22 semiauto pistol she had left on the seat — loaded — with a round in the chamber and the safety off. While loudly and crudely disparaging her intelligence, appearance, parents, and hygiene I dropped the clip out and threw it onto a nearby roof then jacked out the chambered round and put it in my pocket.
After slamming the door, I wandered over to the Silver Palace. Some nights you’re fated to spend getting hammered with your buddies.