by bouv
In my youth, I watched many a cartoon — Transformers, Thundercats, et al. Now, within this big block of cartoons came the most preachy, and probably controversial, cartoon: Captain Planet and the Planeteers. For those who don’t remember, the show featured five kids, each with a ring imbued with a power ‘supposedly’ relating to one of the basic elements that make up the Earth. When the rings’ powers were combined, a superhero known as Captain Planet would appear. The goal of Captain Planet was to eliminate pollution and polluters. See? Very preachy.
Fire
If I may quote “The Simpsons” for a bit:
“Ah, fire! Scourge of Prometheus! Toaster of marshmallows! Eradicator of deadwood...” – Kelsey Grammer (as Sideshow Bob)
Yes, fire. Fire is indeed one of the coolest things around. It burns things. It has many, many useful purposes. Without it, we couldn’t drive in our cars (except for Ted Turner in his fancy-schmancy electric car.) Rockets couldn’t go to the moon and houses couldn’t burn. Truly, fire is one of man’s best discoveries. But it also had great destructive power. Contrary to popular belief, not every fire is fun! Nay, some fires can cause irreparable damage. We can now see why the ancient Greeks used it as one of their four elements. Shall we move on to the other three? Yes, let’s.
Earth
Earth is very good. We live on the Earth. Without it, this planet would probably be akin to Jupiter or Saturn, and we all know THAT’S no good, no good at all. We need that nice solid feeling beneath our feet. We can pick it up; we can build things on it (and with it). We can even mix it with the next element I will discuss (water) to make mud, and that can be hurled — with great fun, I might add — at girls. Earth also has its destructive side: Earthquakes, mudslides, canyons just appearing out of nowhere to swallow people and then disappear just as fast as to leave no trace of what may have happened to their unfortunate victims. Indeed, earth is to be revered and respected.
Water
We need water to live. We could, although not easily, live without fire and earth, but water is essential to life. I am told that we ourselves contain a good deal of water. Water tastes good, it is refreshing, and it helps to clean us. And I think I already mentioned some of the fun value water can bring. But waterspouts, tsunamis, and floods are deadly. Water too, has a side that is not all smiles and laughter.
Air
Air also is needed to live, for it contains within it the precious oxygen that scientists say is so important. It also allows airplanes to fly, what with its pressure and all. Why, even something as harmless-looking as air can cause great destructive force, what with tornadoes and hurricanes and all. Yes, air seems to hold a special place in our hearts, for good or for ill.
Heart
Now heart. There’s a funny thing. Heart was not one of the four elements that the ancient Greeks used to describe their world. In fact, the heart is a muscle that pumps blood in many, many forms of life on the Earth. Why, then, was it included as one of those rings that Gaia gave to the Planeteers?!
Wheeler got fire, that’s damn cool. Kwame got Earth, not to be messed with. Gi got water, and Linka got air, nothing to be ashamed of. Ma-Ti got heart. Woo-hoo. And not even real heart; that stupid concept of love is a much better name for the shaft that was given to Ma-Ti.
I mean, for God’s sake, the kid’s already the smallest, weakest, most pathetic member of the group, and then you had to go and give him that crap of a ring? Sheesh, I almost feel sorry for the kid…almost. I’ll explain why I don’t feel sorry for him later, for now, I’ll continue on why his ring was about as useful to him as a Pentium 4 1 Ghz chipset with Soundblaster Live! and an nVidia 3 card is to a Mac user.
The heart ring made people…well…all cutesy. They would succumb to the power of love, I guess. Yay, that's a lot of fun. I’d rather burn stuff or make myself fly. His power was used, on average, once per episode…and that was to summon Captain Planet! Egads! Wheeler’s off torching polluters, Gi’s cleaning up something or other, and Ma-Ti was stuck having to listen to that little monkey of his screech his head off. No wonder he always seemed bipolar.
But the heart ring did have a little usefulness; unfortunately, it was never realized by Ma-Ti. This is why I don’t take pity on him. Every time the Planeteers came upon Hogish Greedly, or Looten Plunder, they would have to go through this long process of figuring out how to stop their scheme, realize they can’t do it alone, call Captain Planet and have him first get his ass kicked, then go kick some ass of his own. Instead of all that crap, all Ma-Ti had to do was use his little heart ring on the bad guys. They would have seen the errors of their ways and apologized on the spot. But no! He had to run around complaining that he is too small and weak to be of any help. For cryin’ out loud, no wonder the rest of the team always seemed to ignore him, I would!
So basically my point here is that…. well…. I have no point. It just really irks me that Ma-Ti was given the shaft, and that he didn’t bother to use said shaft to its potential, which still wasn’t all that good. Thank you, and goodnight.