by Chef Troy
This issue of Teemings marks my first time writing the introductory editorial, Eutychus having selfishly decided to become a columnist instead. Except of course that he still retains tight-fisted control over editorial selection. OR SO HE THINKS - muah hahahahaha... *ahem*
I am very proud to be a member of the team that brings you Teemings every other month, gentle readers. We've had some really first-rate submissions in just about every type of writing there is, and there's nothing we like more than gathering it, polishing it, and giving it back to you all. I'm especially glad to have my assistant editor, Cristi, so I have someone to on whom to pawn off the job of editing the poetry.
I have often said that I do just about every kind of writing there is except poetry. Haiku and limericks on subjects supplied by others - that's the only kind of poetry I do. HOWEVER. I really feel the need to pitch a big drippy spitball of a rant at some of the people who DO write poetry.
(Note: I am NOT talking about the poets we've published in "Teemings." You folks know what you're doing.)
Good poetry, I've heard it said, is strong emotion recalled at a moment of tranquility (which is why I don't consider my made-to-order fast-food haiku to be real poetry). There's a lot of latitude in how you frame your tranquilly recalled strong emotion, and I think that's great. Unfortunately, too many poets pick the ONE way to do it that is NOT allowed.
On a nuts-and-bolts level, poetry is classified according to the presence or absence of A) rhyme, and B) meter.
You can have both rhyme AND meter. This is called a variety of names according to which particular meter you choose (iambic pentameter, for example). This is probably the second most common form of poetry, and as long as it's carefully crafted, I don't have a problem with it.
Or you may choose to omit the rhyme and have meter only. This is called blank verse and is the way Shakespeare's plays are written. it's also useful for translating a poem from one language into another, as is often done with Dante's Divine Comedy. I don't have a problem with this form either... the rhythm is soothing, and not forcing a line to conform to the rhyme scheme makes it easier to stick to the true point, which is tranquilly recalling that emotion, hallelujah.
Maybe you don't want to restrict yourself at all — you don't want to have consistent meter OR rhyme. Bully for you - you've chosen free verse, which some say is the purest form of poetry and the unsophisticated say isn't poetry at all ("Heck, it don't rhyme. REAL poimes rhyme.") I don't have a problem with this kind either, again stipulating that it's done well... with no filters between the poet's experience and my understanding of it except the poet's ability to put the ineffable into words, a real connection is possible there.
Which brings us to the last kind, the only combination that is not acceptable, and tragically the most common form as far as I can tell. That is to have rhyme, but no consistent meter. There is a name for this kind of poetry as well. it's called BAD poetry.
It never fails to amaze and disgust me that some people (and you know who you are) REALLY think it's so important to get that rhyme in that it's okay to TRAMPLE all over the rhythm of the piece. Well, let me set you straight: Meter is more important than rhyme. Immeasurably more important. If your little brain can't handle both without losing its grip on that new meatloaf recipe you just read in Dear Abby, then either keep the meter or DON'T FEWKING WRITE POETRY!
(pant, pant, pant)
And don't think free verse is necessarily your refuge, those of you among the metrically challenged. Even though free verse may not march in lockstep according to a regimented meter scheme, it still should have rhythm, even if only the rhythm engendered by repetitive imagery or a phrase repeated at intervals.
Now some of you will probably say, "I'll write poetry however the hell I want." Fine. Feel free to SUCK at poetry in the privacy of your own home. But DON'T send it to the newspaper where I can't get away from it. Because Teemings won't publish bad poetry, but your local paper will. They're so hungry for filler that you'll make it into the lifestyles section no matter HOW awful your poetry is. And your poetry IS awful - take my word for it.
Meter, folks. it's the key. If you're too stupid or otherwise unable to count the blasted syllables in a line of your poetry and make sure the accents fall in the right order, do me a favor and either don't try to rhyme either, or make sure your putrid poetry NEVER enters my field of vision.
Go now and sin no more.