by Miss Creant
If you don’t like cats, or have never spent much time with them, you might as well just skip ahead. Sure, you can go ahead and read it anyway, but if you don’t think it’s funny, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Some time ago I worked at an animal hospital as a veterinary assistant/technician. As a rule we didn’t take in strays but every once in a while there was an exception. Rod was an exception.
I started my shift around noon after the doctors had finished surgeries The first thing I usually did before heading off to clean up the operating room was check and see who was in the kennel and why.
One day I found a large yellow cat with huge green eyes staring at me from one of the top kennels. I went over to read the card on the door of the cage for to see what he was in for. His card read, “Rod, Male/Neutered Stray.” I took another look at him and he looked right at me and rubbed up against the bars. Considering he was a stray, he was a really friendly, sweet cat.
His name wasn’t too hard to figure out. One of the techs that worked the morning shift was a rabid Rod Stewart fan. This cat’s coat stuck straight out all over his body, seemingly in a tribute to Mr. Stewart. Now, to this day, I don’t know if his fur was naturally unruly or just the result of the obligatory flea dip. Flea dips on adult animals usually required the complete saturation of the coat with the chemical mixture. The excess is blotted off, but not rinsed away, in order to give the chemicals time to work. Allowing flea dip to dry on animals resulted in some really comical-looking fur-do’s. After Rod had been with us for a few days, Ann, one of the doctors decided to take him home. Ann, her husband Bob, and Rod became a happy little family and lived happily ever after. Sort of.
A few months later Ann and Bob adopted a beautiful little female Burmese kitten. Now there are a number of ways to introduce a new cat into the household. One is to just bring the new cat home and hope for the best. Since Rod was a large adult and the kitten was…well, a kitten, they wisely chose to employ the method of keeping the cats separated, but still allowing for both cats to get used to the smell of the other animal. So the bathroom was turned into a feline nursery and Ann settled the kitten in for the night and attempted to enjoy the rest of her evening with her husband.
Rod was restless from the git-go. He paced incessantly in front of the bathroom door, meowing loudly. Rod would look at the closed bathroom door and then look at Ann and Bob in the family room, constantly crying. Back and forth he turned from the bathroom to the family room until he must have decided that Ann and Bob were much too thick to understand his message, which was, “Hey you guys! There’s a CAT in the BATHROOM!” Of course, Ann and Bob knew exactly what the problem was but were doing their level best to ignore Rod, hoping that he might just give up. Unfortunately they had sorely underestimated Rod’s commitment to his mission.
Since he was getting no response yelling from the bathroom, he escalated his effort by walking on top of Ann and Bob’s bodies while they (attempted) to watch TV. Rod stood on their chests’ and repeatedly tried to alert his owners that THERE WAS A CAT IN THE BATHROOM! Rod was becoming increasingly perturbed. They wouldn’t listen and frankly, he was getting a little annoyed at being chucked off the couch, just for trying to alert Ann and Bob to the intruder.
It was time for bed. Ann and Bob foolishly thought they would be going to sleep. Rod continued to try and warn them of the danger in the bathroom but he was unsuccessful in his endeavors. Rod was very persistent and despite being banished from the room, he continued his mission to convey his message by banging his head and body on the bedroom door. Nothing. Finally it was morning. Bleary eyed, Ann headed into the bathroom so the kitten could finally meet Rod. The little Burmese bounded out of the bathroom, ready for anything. Rod was nowhere to be seen. He had gotten sick of trying to communicate with these silly people and deemed them beyond any help. Ann found Rod in the family room, lying on the floor in the standard “cat meatloaf” position (all four legs tucked under his body). He sat up as soon as he saw the kitten. Ann said that if he had been a person, he would have had his arms folded tightly across his chest. But he was a cat, so he gave her a look that only a cat can give, and this time it was perfectly clear to Ann. “See, I TOLD YOU THERE WAS A CAT IN THE BATHROOM!” Fortunately, Rod was an accommodating cat and never held the little Burmese responsible for the incident. He seemed to feel that the confusion was a result of Ann and Bob’s complete inability to communicate.