by Duck Duck Goose

In the Fight against Ignorance, Cecil is tops.
Where his pencil begins, there our ignorance stops.
We rely on his info to give us the skinny,
To save us from error and "oops!" ignominy.

A doctor named Kathy, of homeopathy,
Insists that her potions do work.
Someone else, at this juncture, cries, "No — acupuncture!"
(And borders on being a jerk.)

There's a Teemster in Philly who claims that his willie
Has lengthened an inch in a day.
And a poster has hurried to post that he's worried —
His teeth pick up KDKA.

There are rats in commodes, there's a bird that explodes,
And candirus, and dust mites, and fleas,
There are palpebrae spasms, and psychic orgasms,
And people who light makes them sneeze.

"Never fear!" cries our Unc, as he hastes to debunk
All these legends and factoids so myth-y.
His shadow's majuscular; his prose is so muscular,
Like Hemingway's stuff, short and pithy.

Never leave us, dear Cecil, we're lost without you.
If we can't get the Straight Dope, we'll feel awful blue.
May the Reader be bought by a billionaire czar
Who is also a Teemster, makes Cecil a star.

If we got enough people to join in the fight,
We could bring the whole Internet into the Light.
No more would our e-mail be clogged up with crap
That's been forwarded to us by Brain-In-My-Lap.

The sweet light of Reason would shine — well, from most.
We could lay down our weapons, and from coast to coast,
We'd be freed for what's really important: to post.