by Patrick Malone
This edition of Teemings has been fraught with frustration. It's as if God had looked at the calendar and decided to throw every April Fool's joke He had in His bag at me. I should let you know everything that's happened trying to put this issue together this month so you realize the amount of sacrifice we go through to bring you, gentle reader, the collected work of the Teeming Millions. (Also, because I rarely get the chance to use the word 'fraught' in a sentence.)
To begin with, I was late getting started with it anyway. I don't have a super-powerful computer. There are days when the refrigerator beats it for online access. I think it realizes that because after I had compiled the contributors’ biographies this month, the computer decided, “Hey, you don't really need these anymore”… and ate them. Without leaving a trace. On top of that, a few articles got waylaid as well. Along with Christina's graphics. We got most of them back, but then in the middle of this David e-mailed me to tell me that he just doesn't have the time to do the editing anymore, what with trying to have a life and all. (In the words of James B. Sikking in The Jesse Owens Story, "we wish him well." This happened roughly at the same time that Manhattan decided to retire as a moderator. We're currently testing the drinking water.) Troy stepped in and did pretty well. Another contributor decided he didn't want his piece edited and for a while there it looked like we might have to drop it. Another I still cannot find, and so far the contributor hasn’t responded to my request for a replacement. (LaurAnge ... we'll run it next issue if you can get it back to us.)
So, here you go: April's issue, More Fool Me. A title which I take very personally right now. Back in high school I took one of those aptitude tests — the ones which are supposed to tell you what career you would be best suited for. According to the test, the one job that perfectly fit my intellectual, emotional, and physical abilities was 'skanky-ass ho.'
I should have stuck with my strengths.