by Twist of Fate
Ah…Christmas. The time of year when us single folk are reminded just how good it is to be in a relationship. While couples everywhere exchange poetry, flowers, stuffed toys, and oversized, overpriced cards, the rest of us lonely mortals are left sitting at the bar, sulking over our pints of Guinness and bottles of Ritz.
It’s not that I’m not romantic that has me at my current status. Oh no, it’s that I have the amazing talent of making everything I’m thinking come out like a cheesy pickup line from a David Lynch film. While I may be thinking “My Dear, your remarkable countenance caught my humble view like the first ray of sunlight across a alpine glade,” it always comes out something similar to “Jaysus, love, where you been all my life,” or other impression-killers of the aforementioned ditty’s ilk.
So, while the happy men wine and dine their respective significant others over Christmas, please spare a thought for the rest of us, whose idea of a romantic night out consists of a drive-through McDonalds, and true love is getting a fudge sundae and a napkin.