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[Phone rings]
“Scully here.”
“Scully, remember the Hobbit who said his ring was stolen by a wizard.”
“Uh, yyyeah, I remember some old guy with a highly active imagination and absolutely
no evidence, Mulder.”
“After the theft another Hobbit, named Frodo, was seen talking with that same
six foot tall wizard named Gandalf.”
“First of all Mulder, anyone over 4 feet tall will look like a wizard to these
people. They live a secluded rural existence and don’t have a scientific culture
that enables them to question old superstitions about wizards. All we know is
that some tall guy with a cane showed up at their village.”
“How do you explain why Frodo and three of his friends suddenly disappear on
some journey with vague and mysterious itinerary.”
“Mulder there could be a hundred explanations. Maybe they’re going on a weekend
of drinking and gambling and don’t want their wives or girlfriends to know.
Really, I don’t see why this is an X-file.”
“For hundreds, or thousands of years, there have been stories about 9 rings
of power, and how the one ring that ruled them all was lost, but destined to
be found. And when it is found, it will enslave all creatures to its will.”
“Okkkaaay…so you believe that a Hobbit had this supposed “ring of power” for
years and just kept it on a shelf beside his pipe and smoking weed?”
“He said the wizard used some kind of psychic influence to make him hand the
ring over, which is consistent with other stories of wizards’ parapsychological
abilities manifested in times of impending global conflict between forces of
good and evil.”
“Mulder. No one has ever seen a wizard…it, it’s just a figment of the imagination,
based on paranoia, primitive cultural beliefs, or even dementia from old age
or malnutrition. I mean, this Hobbit was, what, a hundred and ten years old?”
“Eleventy one. A hundred and eleventy one.”
“Whatever Mulder, there are lots of cases of lonely people creating stories
just to get companionship.”
“But what about the reports coming in from all over about faceless Wraiths riding
at night in search of a Hobbit who carries a ring?”
“Wraiths? What wraiths?”
“Scully, I’ve couriered a plane ticket to you. My flight’s boarding now. I gotta
go.”
“ Mulder, where are you going? Have you cleared this assignment with Assistant
Director Smeagol?”
“Keep this under your hat, Scully. I’ll explain later when we meet. Bye.” [click]
“Mulder. Where are you - where AM I going? Mulder? MULDER?? Mulder!"