What if "The Lord of the Rings"had been written as "Seinfeld"

Lord of his Domain

by carterba

Boromir Costanza is sitting at a table in a cafe. Aragrn Seinfeld enters.

Boromir Costanza: What are you doing here? Where's Frodo?
Aragorn Seinfeld: He left.
Boromir: He left? Whaddya mean, he left?
Aragorn: He left! He's on his way to Mordor with the ring.
Boromir: What??
Aragorn: Ya know.. Sam went with him.
Boromir: SAM?? He took Sam? Why didn't he take me?
Aragorn: *shrug*
Boromir: I've gone to all this trouble to help him out, and he just leaves? Without a thank you or anything? *getting agitated* What kind of gratitude is that? Who does that? Was it something I did? Something I said?
Aragorn: Why'd you have to go and try to take the ring, you stupid idiot??
Boromir: Hey, we're out there busting our humps so the rest of you can live in peace! We deserve that ring! We--
Aragorn: Orc behind you.
Boromir: Huh? *dies*
Aragorn: That's a shame.

***
Much later, in Queens...

Denethor Costanza: (shouting) What happened to my son??
Aragorn: He, uh, he got killed by some orcs.
Denethor: Orcs?? Why didn't you protect him?
Gandalf Kramer: You know, my friend Bob Saruman--
Aragorn: Wait a minute, is this the same Bob Saruman who turned out to be evil?
Gandalf: Well, yeah.
Aragorn: With the palantir, and the orc armies?
Gandalf: Yeah..
Aragorn: Ya know you can't trust that guy!
Gandalf: Well, I think you're wrong!
Aragorn: Gandalf, he imprisoned you on top of his tower!
Gandalf: What kind of society do we live in where we can't forgive and forget, huh? Is that the kind of world you want to live in? Come on, Denethor, let's go find Bob.
Denethor: Lemme go get my seeing stone.
Gandalf: Giddyup!
Aragorn: *rolls eyes*