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The Osbournes

by scablet

GANDALF saunters in, leaning on his walking-stick. He stares, mouth slightly agape, at FRODO, who is sitting on the couch with the ring in his palm.

GANDALF: Wot th'bloody BEEP Frodo! 'owmanny times I got to tell ye to gnnanrm nbwmpnh ring hrmpnb Doom!

FRODO: Aw for BEEP's sake, Gandalf, I bloody well told yeh that I'd get over withit after my foot appointment! BEEPing BEEP.

GANDALF: AWROIGHT, 'ats BEEPing enough of that, Oi've 'ad enough of this blramgbm bfmlanp BEEP. Oi t..t..told you once before, Oi says "Frodo, you got t..t..to take the Ring and blmabmn hmaphbmnat BEEP BEEP Doom!"

SAM runs in, carrying a SMALL, UNATTRACTIVE DOG.

SAM: THE ROTTEN..! IT PISSED ON MY - Say, Frodo, oughtn't you be takin' that thing to Mount Doom already?

FRODO: BEEP BEEP BEEEEP. That's th'last time I want to hear about the BEEPing Ring and BEEP BEEP BEEEPin' Mount Doom, you hear me Sam? Can't get a moment's peace around here without one of yeh tossers at my neck fer this, I'm bloody sick of it, won't BEEPing take it.

SAM: Now wait just a BEEPing --

FRODO: ALL I BLOODY WANT is a BEEPing moment's relaxation, is all! BEEP BEEP BEEP. D'you 'ave any BEEPing clue how much BEEPin' stress I'm under lately? DO YOU

GANDALF: Hrgblfgh brhmph echanenbl.

SAM: BEEP BEEP.

FRODO: BEEP.

GANDALF: BEEP.

SMALL, UNATTRACTIVE DOG: woof!