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Scene - Open field.
ARAGORN:
Say there, little dwarf!
FRODO:
Hobbit!
ARAGORN:
Little Hobbit. Sorry. Who lives in that hole over there?
FRODO:
Actually I’m rather TALL for a Hobbit.
ARAGORN:
I-- what?
FRODO:
I'm rather tall for a Hobbit -- I'm not little.
ARAGORN:
Well, I can't just call you "Hobbit", now can I?
FRODO:
Well, you could have said "Excuse me, FRODO".
ARAGORN:
Well, I didn't know you were called "FRODO".
FRODO:
Well, you didn't bother to find ask me, did you?
ARAGORN:
I did say sorry about the little dwarf comment, but from the behind you looked
...
FRODO:
What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARAGORN:
Well, I am King.
FRODO:
Oh, King, eh? Oooh, that’s rich in’t? -- and just how did you get that, eh?
By exploiting the elves and dwarves, eh? By hanging on to outdated imperialistic
nonsense that creates the economic and social differences in our society. If
there's ever going to be any progress with the--
SAMWISE:
Ooh FRODO, there’s some LOVELY filth over here! Oh (noticing ARAGORN), good
morning!
ARAGORN:
How do you do, good sir? I am ARAGORN, King of Middle Earth. Who's hole is that?
SAMWISE:
King of the what?
ARAGORN:
The Middle Earth.
SAMWISE:
What’s the Middle Earth?
ARAGORN:
Well, ALL of this is. We are all part of the Middle Earth, and I am your king.
SAMWISE:
I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an independent cooperative.
FRODO:
Oh come on! We're living in a dictatorship: a self-indulgent monarchial autocracy
in which the working classes--
SAMWISE:
Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
FRODO:
Well, that's what it's all about, eh? If only people would hear of--
ARAGORN:
Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that hole over there?
SAMWISE:
Bilbo lives there.
ARAGORN:
Then is he your lord?
SAMWISE:
We don't have a lord.
ARAGORN:
What?
FRODO:
I told you. We're an revolutionary syndicate. Each of us takes turn to act as
a sort of executive officer each week ...
ARAGORN:
Yes.
FRODO:
...but all the determinations of that said officer have to be affirmed at a
special meeting...
ARAGORN:
Yes, yes, I see.
FRODO:
...by a simple majority in the case of purely minor matters ...
ARAGORN:
Oh, be quiet!
FRODO:
...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major--
ARAGORN:
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
SAMWISE:
Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
ARAGORN:
I am your king!
SAMWISE:
Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARAGORN:
You don't vote for kings.
SAMWISE:
Well, how did you become King, then?
ARAGORN:
I am descended from the Ancient Kings. That is why I am your king!
FRODO:
Listen. Paramount executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not
from some illegitimate statement of birthright.
ARAGORN:
Be quiet!
FRODO:
Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause you
make a claim that so-in-so was your daddy!
ARAGORN:
Shut up!
FRODO:
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because I claimed to be
someone’s son, they’d laugh me off the street!
ARAGORN:
Shut up, will you? Shut up! (grabbing Frodo).
FRODO:
Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARAGORN:
Shut up!
FRODO:
Oh! OH! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being
repressed!
ARAGORN:
Bloody little FREAK!!
FRODO:
Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? You saw it,
didn't you?