Home | Literature Index | Movies & Broadway Index | Television Index | Music Index | Miscellaneous Index | Submit Your Own
Scene 8
[cue Aragorn music]
[clop clop clop]
Aragorn
Halt!
[horn]
Hallo!
[pause]
Hallo!
Uruk-Hai Guard
Allo! Who is eet?
Aragorn
It is Aragorn, and these are my Knights of the Fellowship
of the Ring. Whose tower is this?
Uruk-Hai Guard
This is the tower of my master, Saruman the White.
Aragorn
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by
the Council of Elrond and the Valar with a sacred quest.
If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he
can join us in our quest to destroy the Ring of Power.
Uruk-Hai Guard
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very
keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
Aragorn
What?
Legolas
He says they've already got one!
Aragorn
Are you sure he's got one?
Uruk-Hai Guard
Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I tOld him we already got
one.)
Uruk-Hai Guards
[chuckling]
Aragorn
Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
Uruk-Hai Guard
Of course not! You are Gondor types-a!
Aragorn
Well, what are you, then?
Uruk-Hai Guard
I'm Uruk-Hai! Why do think I have this outrageous accent,
you silly king-a?!
Legolas
What are you doing in the lands of Gondor?
Uruk-Hai Guard
Mind your own business!
Aragorn
If you will not show us the Ring of Power, we shall
take your tower by force!
Uruk-Hai Guard
You don't frighten us, Gondor pig-dogs! Go and boil
your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose
at you, so- called Aragorn King, you and all your silly
Fellowship k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
Legolas
What a strange person.
Aragorn
Now look here, my good Orc--
Uruk-Hai Guard
I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed
animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction!
You mother was a warg and your father smelt of pipeweed!
Legolas
Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
Uruk-Hai Guard
No, now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
[sniff]
Aragorn
Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.
Uruk-Hai Guard
(Fetchez la troll de caverne.)
OTHER Uruk-Hai Guard
Quoi?
Uruk-Hai Guard
(Fetchez la troll de caverne!)
[mooo - snort]
Aragorn
If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--
[twong]
[mooooooo - rowwwwwrrrr]
By the Valar!
Fellowship
Great Gandalf's beard!
[thud]
Ah! Ohh!
Aragorn
Right! Charge!
Fellowship
Charge!
[mayhem]
Uruk-Hai Guard
Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go.
[mayhem]
Uruk-Hai Guard
And this one's for your dad!
Aragorn
Run away!
Fellowship
Run away!
Uruk-Hai Guard
Thppppt!
Uruk-Hai Guards
[taunting]
Gimli
Fiends! I'll tear them apart!
Aragorn
No, no. No, no.
Frodo
Sir! I have a plan, Sir.
[later]
[wind]
[saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw
saw saw saw]
[clunk]
[bang]
[rewr!]
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak
squeak squeak]
[rrrr rrrr rrrr]
[drilllll]
[sawwwww]
[clunk]
[crash]
[clang]
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...]
[creak]
Uruk-Hai Guards
[whispering] C'est un mearas, mearas de bois. Quoi?
Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui.
Hurry. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over
here...
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...]
[clllank]
Aragorn
What happens now?
Frodo
Well, now, uh, Legolas, Gimli, and I, uh, wait until
nightfall, and then leap out of the mearas, taking the
Uruk- Hai, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but
totally unarmed!
Aragorn
Who leaps out?
Frodo
U-- u-- uh, Legolas, Gimli, and I, uh, leap out of the
mearas, uh, and uh...
Aragorn
Ohh.
Frodo
Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden
oliphaunt--
[clank]
[twong]
Aragorn
Run away!
Fellowship
Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run
away! Run away!
[CRASH]
Uruk-Hai Guards
Oh, haw haw haw haw! Haw! Haw haw heh...