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EOWYN
Aragorn, darling, when are you going to come to your
senses and come back to Boston with me? You could work
at Daddy’s firm along with my brother Eomer. And you
and I could spend more time together. Wouldn’t you like
that?
ARAGORN
Now, Eowyn, we’ve been over this already. My career
here at F Troop is very imprtant to me. The men here
need me. I’m their leader. They’d be lost without me.
Sgt. Merry and Cpl. Pippin glance at each other and
smile. Suddenly Wrangler Arwen on horseback arrives,
gracefully dismounts and walks over to them.
Eowyn smirks as she looks at Arwen dressed in buckskin.
EWOYN
Well, well, well. What have we here? Why, it’s an honest
to goodness cowboy.
ARAGORN
Ewoyn, this isn’t a cowboy. This is Wrangler Arnold.
Uh, I mean, Wrangler Arwen.
ARWEN (scowling)
Howdy, Aragorn. I didn’t know your mother was
coming to visit.
Ewoyn gasps and stares at Arwen.
ARAGORN
Arwen, this isn’t my mother. This is my aunt. Uh, I
mean my friend Ewoyn from Boston.
Pleasantries are exchanged as the two women give each
other looks that could kill. Aragorn is totally oblivious
to the fact that Arwen and Eowyn are vying for his love.
Later at the Lothlorien Tribe:
ARWEN
You have to help me, Galadriel. That snooty uppity Boston
socialite is going to steal my Aragorn! She announced
to everyone that she and Aragorn are engaged to be married!
MERRY
We can’t allow that to happen. She’ll take the Captain
back to Boston with her, and we could end up with a
Captain too smart for us to pull the wool over regarding
our business ventures.
PIPPIN
Arwen, why don’t you use your feminine wiles to win
the Captain back?
MERRY
Pippin, that’s a great idea! I don’t know why everyone
says you’re so dumb!
PIPPIN
Thanks, Sarge. (pauses) Who says I’m dumb?!
ARWEN
Well, that’s easier said that done, fellas. Look at
me! How can I compete with that beautiful Boston socialite
with her fancy clothes and fancy ways?
GALADRIEL
How about a makeover? I could help you with that. And
I could give you charm lessons, too.
ARWEN
Would you? Aw, that’d be swell!
GALADRIEL
Come this way. We have a lot of work ahead of us.
Privately while Arwen is getting ready, Galadriel speaks
with a very special visiting Elf.
Later at F Troop in Captain Aragorn’s headquarters a
dinner party is held to welcome Eowyn. The door opens.
Sgt. Merry smiles and turns to everyone.
MERRY
Attention, everyone, please greet the lovely Miss Arwen,
who most of us know as Wrangler Arwen.
Eowyn scowls and Aragorn smiles as the newly made-over
Arwen enters the room. She is radiant and wears a dress
most becoming to her.
Eowyn fumes as Aragorn leaves her side to chat with
Arwen. He cannot take his eyes off of Arwen.
ARAGORN
It’s a bit stuffy in here, Arwen. Would you like to
step outside with me for a few minutes?
ARWEN
I’d love to, Aragorn.
Arwen does not see Eowyn step on the hem of her dress,
so as Arwen heads toward the door her dress rips at
the waist. Everyone in the room sees her petticoats.
Arwen spins around at glares at Eowyn who is trying
to look innocent.
EOWYN
Oops. What an unfortunate accident.
ARWEN
Accident? You did that on purpose!
Arwen lunges at Eowyn, but Merry and Pippin grab her
and restrain her.
ARWEN
Lemme at her!
EOWYN (gloating)
Well, now. Obviously only ONE of us is behaving like
a lady here.
There is a knock at the door. Ewoyn opens it. A tall
beautiful blond Elf stands in the doorway.
EOWYN
Yes?
LEGOLAS
I am Legolas. I seek my beloved.
EOWYN
Well, this is a private dinner party. I don’t think
you’ll find your beloved here.
LEGOLAS
Oh, yes I will. There he is.
Legolas points at Aragorn and walks over to him. The
Elf greets Aragorn warmly and affectionately much to
everyone’s confusion, especially Aragorn’s.
Eowyn stares at the two of them.
EOWYN
Aragorn! How could you! The engagement is OFF!
Eowyn slaps Aragorn across the face and storms out of
the room.
ARAGORN (turns to Arwen)
Uh, Arwen, would you care to go for a walk with me?
Arwen slaps Aragorn across the face.
ARWEN
I don’t take walks with guys already involved with someone!
Arwen storms out of the room.
Aragorn turns to Legolas.
ARAGORN
Well, I guess that leaves you, Legolas. Care to go for
a walk with me?
Legolas slaps Aragorn across the face and storms out
of the room.
Merry and Pippin go over to Aragorn.
PIPPIN
Forget about them, Captain. You still have us, and the
respect of all the men here at F Troop.