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[Music (lost of brass)] DUUUM-da-Dum-dum. DUUUUM-da-Dum-dum-DAAAAAAA...
[Narrator] "Ladies and gentlemen, the epic you are about to see is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."
[Clipped, almost-uninflected voice takes over] "This is the city. Hobbiton, the Shire. I work here. I carry a staff. My name's Gandalf."