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Scene: The old wild, wild West. We see a tall ruggedly
handsome cowboy on a horse. Not just any horse. A horse
loyal and smart enough to save the cowboy's life.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR. (thinking to himself): Well, here
I am still trying to track down Sauron Bly, the murderer
of my great (insert 'great' here many times) grandfather.
I won't stop until I find him and bring him to justice.
GANDALF POOLE: Aragorn, you're needed to safely escort
a VIP who's carrying a very important piece of jewelry
over to a far away place called Mordor.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: Gandalf, I'm a former Ranger turned
Bounty Hunter, not a Bodyguard.
GANDALF POOLE: Please, Aragorn. It's important. The
fate of the world depends on it. The President of the
United States insisted that we call upon you to do this.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: The fate of the world depends on
my escorting someone carrying a trinket to some place
called Mordor? Why not just mail it by Pony Express?
Or send it by stagecoach?
GANDALF POOLE: Look, Aragorn, will you do it or not?
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: Of course I'll do it. I was just
messing with you. Where's Lord Boromir? I'd like to
have him come along.
GANDALF POOLE: He's over in the saloon. Can you be ready
this afternoon?
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: Of course.
GANDALF POOLE: Good. Here's a packet of information
on the person you'll be escorting. I'll meet you back
here at one o'clock with the VIP and introduce you to
him then.
Scene cuts to the saloon. Lord Boromir is there. He
and the other customers in the saloon are drinking and
enjoying the live entertainment on stage: a beautiful
blond singer named Legolas Cousins. Aragorn enters the
saloon. He smiles when he sees the singer.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR. (thinking to himself): Ah, the love
of my life.
LORD BOROMIR: Hello, Aragorn. Pull up a chair and enjoy
the show.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: Don't mind if I do. Boromir, I've
got an assignment that involves travelling to a far
away place. Want to come along?
LORD BOROMIR: Details. Give me details and don't leave
out anything. Then I'll give you my answer.
Aragorn tells Boromir all he knows about the assignment.
LORD BOROMIR: That's it? Just safely escort some little
guy carrying a ring to a place called Mordor? Should
be easy.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: So you'll come along?
LORD BOROMIR: Sure. We'll split the pay 50/50.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: Of course.
Aragorn smiles as the singer who has finished his number
on stage approaches. He and Lord Boromir stand up and
remove their hats.
LEGOLAS COUSINS: Hello, fellas. Did you enjoy the show?
LORD BOROMIR: I certainly did. You were great, as usual.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: Hello, Legolas. You look stunningly
beautiful, as always.
LEGOLAS COUSINS: Thanks, fellas. How long can you stick
around this time, Aragorn, before you have to be running
off on some adventure?
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: I'm afraid I have to leave this
afternoon at one'clock. And Lord Boromir is coming with
me. We have an important assignment that the President
of the United States wants me to handle. How can I say
no to that?
LEGOLAS COUSINS: How's about I tag along? A fella gets
tired of the same old scene day after day after day.
I could use some excitement.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR.: I don't think that'd be a good
idea, Legolas. It might be dangerous. According to the
information in this packet Gandalf gave me, Mordor isn't
exactly a tourist attraction. You'd be safer staying
here in town where you won't get your pretty face soiled.
LEGOLAS COUSINS (in an annoyed tone): Please don't patronize
me, Aragorn. I'm quite capable of protecting myself.
In fact, I insist on going with you both on this assignment.
My intuition tells me you're going to need my help.
ARAGORN COUNTY, JR. (turning to Lord Boromir): We may
as well let Legolas come along. I know from experience
there's no stopping him when he has his mind set on
doing something.
LORD BOROMIR: Well, okay, but we're NOT splitting the
pay three-ways on this!