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BLACKADDER
Ten thousand Uruk-Hai will be here by nightfall.
DARLING
We’re all going to die!
GEORGE
But even so, we’ll die with honor defending Helm’s Deep.
DARLING
But we’re all going to die!
MELCHETT
Pull yourself together, Darling. That’s a good fellow.
DARLING
I don’t want to die!
BLACKADDER
None of us do, Darling. But we have to face what’s coming.
FLASHEART
Blackadder, isn’t it exciting? I can’t wait to win this
battle so I can go below to comfort the beautiful young
women who yearn for my touch. Wish those Uruk-Hai would
hurry up and march over here so we can get this over
with.
DARLING
Are you mad? We’re outnumbered! There are only three
hundred of us against an army of ten thousand!
BLACKADDER
I know, Darling. Even that aristocratic blond elf was
despairing to Lord Aragorn. I overheard him saying we’re
doomed.
BALDRICK
Fear not, my lord, for I have cunning plan.
BLACKADDER
Ah, Baldrick. You’re right on cue. Go ahead. Wht’s your
cunning plan?
BALDRICK
You know how they sent all the women and children down
below while we men stay up here to fight the enemy?
BLACKADDER
Yes?
BALDRICK
We could disguise ourselves as women and children and
join them below.
BLACKADDER
Baldrick, there is no way anyone would believe us to
be women and children. No, we’ll just have to meet our
fate, doomed as it may be.
Later that evening the three hundred soldiers of Rohan
are facing the army of ten thousand Uruk-Hai. Blackadder
pushes his way through the crowd to join Baldrick and
the others along the wall. He accidentally jostles a
soldier armed with a bow and arrow. That causes the
arrow to fly loose. It hits one of the Uruk-Hai.
BLACKADDER
Oops.
The battle ensues.
Eventually Blackadder, Baldrick, George, Darling and
Melchett all suffer mortal wounds. As they lie dying
they look toward the east. The sun is rising. Then they
see a glorious sight: Gandalf the White and the Riders
of Rohan are charging down the hill to fight the enemy.
Blackadder and the others die knowing that Saruman’s
plan to destroy all of mankind will fail.