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(Our scene opens in Elrond's living room. Elrond is
sitting in his easy chair. Aragorn enters, stage left).
Elrond: Oh, it's *you*.
Aragorn: Hello, Sir.
Elrond: Look, Meathead, don't suck up. I know you ain't
here to see me. (bellows) Arwen! Get down here!
(Arwen comes down the stairs)
Arwen: Yes Daddy?
Elrond: The Meathead's here.
Arwen: Daddy, don't *call* him that...he *is* prince,
you know!
Elrond (muttering): yeah yeah yeah...a mortal prince...
(Galadriel enters from the kitchen, off stage right,
wearing an apron)
Galadriel: Oh, *hello* Aragorn! Are you going to stay
for supper?
Elrond: No he is *not*.
Arwen: Yes he is.
Aragorn: No, I can't.
Elrond: First thing he's ever said that made sense.
Arwen: Daddy!
Galadriel: Elrond!
(Elrond opens his newspaper and studiously ignores them
all)
(Someone knocks on the door. Arwen goes to answer it.
It's Gandalf, Frodo, and Sam; she lets them in)
Gandalf (strutting in like George Jefferson): Hey hey!
Elrond (muttering from behind the newspaper): Oh, great.
Wizards and Hobbits. There goes the neighborhood.
(Gandalf hears him and frowns for a minute)
Gandalf: We're going on a road trip. Arwen, we need
to borrow Aragorn, he's got to come with us.
Arwen: I wanna go!
Elrond: Sounds dangerous. Arwen, you stay here.
Arwen (whining): But Daddy! *pouts*
Galadriel: So, boys, where are you going?
Frodo: We're going to Mordor, to destroy the One Ring.
Galadriel (not knowing what he's talking about, looks
confused and vaguely upset by this): Ohhh...
Arwen: Oh, now, it'll be okay...
(Arwen glares at Gandalf and Frodo)
Aragorn: Now, honey, I have to go with them, and it's
best you stay here... You're shooting that commercial
about those classes tomorrow, after all.
Arwen: Oh, that's right...
Elrond (from behind the newspaper): VCR repair...dental
hygienist...
Aragorn: So, you stay here, and we'll go off and take
care of this One Ring thing, and we'll be home soon.
Arwen: Oh, okay *still pouting*
(Aragorn, Gandalf, Frodo, and Sam exit stage left, Arwen
stomps outside. Galadriel goes over to the piano and
sits down. Elrond comes over and stands behind her,
and they sing)
Elrond: Boy the way the Shire band played
Galadriel: Songs that made the hit parade
Elrond: Elves like us, we had it made
Both: Those were the days...
Galadriel: And you knew who you WERE then
Elrond: Elves were elves and men were men
Galadriel: Sometimes I think we could even use a man
like Sauron again...
Elrond: Didn't need to flee the state
Galadriel: Everybody pulled his weight
Both: Gee, our old horse cart ran great
Those were the days!