What if "The Lord of the Rings"had been written by Bruce Springsteen

Bruse Springsteen

by RathBandu

FRODO:
The hobbit hole slams
Gandalf’s cloak waves
Like a wizard he hobbles across the Shire as the Gaffer plays
Meridoc singing for the lonely

GOLLUM: Hey that’s mine and I want it only
GANDALF:
Don’t turn me home again I just can’t face Sauron alone again
Don’t run back inside, dear boy you know that it’s not yours or mine
So you’re scared and you’re thinking that we can put it away for all time
Show a little faith, hobbits can surprise you
They ain’t Elves but they’ll have to do

GOLLUM
You can hide ‘neath the covers and study the Ring
Catch fishes for your dinner, run and hide from the Witch King
Waste your ages praying in vain
For a king to return from these streets

ARAGON:
Well, I’m a ranger, that’s understood
All the safety I can offer you is beneath this dirty hood
And a chance to make it goodsomehow

SAM
Mr. Frodo-what else can we do now?

FRODO
Except psych out some ringwraiths and let old Strider lead the path
With those tomatos cooking we will feel their wrath
We got one last chance to destroy the ring
To trade in these swords for Sting

ARWEN
Climb aboard Rivendell’s across the Ford

Oh, oh, come take my hand
We’re riding out tonight to reach Elrond’s land

ALL
Oh, oh, Rivendell, oh Rivendell, oh Rivendell

GANDALF
Lying under there like a killer in the sun

GIMLI
Sauraman tracks us-we can make it if we run

ALL
Oh, oh Lothloren, oh Lothlorian, Oh Lothlorian
Elf queen-noisy dwarf-Lothlorian

BOROMIR
Well I got this white horn and I know I can make it talk
Gondor’s besiged if you’re ready to take that long walk

GIMLI
From the river to razor sharp rocks

ARAGON (to Boromir)
Take the ring-you go home in a box

(to Arwen)
And I know you’re lonely for words I ain’t spoken
But tonight I must go with the sword that was broken

GALADRIEL:
And in this water I see all the boys Elrond sent across the sea
Let me haunt your eyes with a burned out future for you and me
They scream your name at night in the streets
The one ring lies at Sauron’s feet

FRODO
And while the battle rages on
I start to sail before dawn
But when Sam gets to the shore I’m gone
In the boat

SAM
Mr. Frodo, let me climb aboard
It’s a place full of losers-yet we’re going to Mordor