What if "The Lord of the Rings" had been written by Afroman

Afroman

by Waz Up

Farmer Maggot:
Was gonna have a much bigger part, until I got high
Was gonna give Frodo some mushrooms, but then I got high
And now I’m just big waving scythe, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Gildor:
Was gonna help out Frodo and Sam, before I got high
Was gonna give them some good advice, but then I got high
And now they gave my line to Gandalf, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Tom Bombadil:
Was gonna annoy the theater audience, but then I got high
Was gonna sing about yellow boots, but I got high
And now I’m nowhere to be seen, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Bill Ferny:
Was gonna be another evil villian, before I got high
Was gonna insult the one called Sam, but then I got high
And now that pony comes from nowhere, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Glorfindel:
Was gonna be a star in the movie, but I was high
Was gonna take Frodo to the Ford, but I was high
And now Arwen’s stolen my role, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Quickbeam:
Was gonna be important in the Entmoot, until I got high
Was gonna entertain the hobbits, but then I got high
Now they don’t even mention my name, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Hama:
Was gonna have a much better death scene, but then I got high
Was gonna fall at the Battle of Hornburg, and then I got high
And now I’ve been eaten by a Warg, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

Shelob:
Was gonna be a dramatic cliffhanger, until I go high
Was gonna scare all the kids in the theater, but then I got high
And now I’m pushed back to Film 3, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

PJ:
Was gonna stay true to the books, but then I got high
Was gonna make the purists happy, but I got high
Now I’ve completely botched up the plot, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

And one I did for movie-version Faramir:
Was gonna be the goody-two shoes good guy, before I got high
Was gonna be best friends with the hobbits, but I got high
And now I'm dragging them through Osgiliath, and I know why (why man?)
Cause I go high
Because I got high
Because I got high