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(Moria, in Book of Mazarbul Room)
Ewok Pippin straightens up after knocking skeleton into well:
Gandalf: Fool of a Took! Next time throw Legolas in, so we'll be free of his constant carping! And they call ME Stormcrow....
Legolas: Some Wizard YOU are! "Let's go THIS way," he says! "It's BETTER..." Some escape!
Frodo (whining) : You two don't have to carry THIS (holds up data module with Plans to Barad-Dur) ! This thing's HEAVY! Oh, oh... (Stingsaber lights up, glowing bright blue) Orcs!
Gimli: I've gotta bad feeling about this... (lifts axe) **low voice** Hear me baby, hold together!
(Orcs burst thru in hordes, unable to hit anything, even at point blank range. They are slaughtered by impossibly accurate multiple bow shots by Legolas.)
(Roaring in background) Frodo: They've got a Rancor - er - Cave Troll!
(Cave troll waddles in, incredibly slow and clumsy. After incredible stunts
by all in party, Legolas pounds arrow up into Troll's unmentionables.)
Ewok Pippin: Ewwwww!
(party heads toward Last Bridge)
(Orcs converging from all around, STILL cannot hit anything)
(Roaring noise in background, Orcs run away)
Gandalf <sighs>: Balrog Maia! And I am so weary...
Gimli: I gotta bad feeling about this...
(Large incredibly hideous and unstoppable-looking Evil Creature walks down hallway,
so of course party stays to watch)
Balrog Maia: ROAAAARRRR!
Gandalf: Once it was my apprentice, before it turned to...
Balrog Maia: ROAAAARRRR!
Gandalf: No, I did NOT lightsaber the platform steps at the Istari graduation!
You're just clumsy!
Gandalf: You gotta go thru me to get that datacube!
Balrog Maia: ROAR! ROOOOOAAAAARRRR!
Gandalf: Well, if your gonna be THAT way... (turns to run)
(sees Aragorn with sword that "Just happens" to be pointing at him.)
Gandalf: Well, fnord! (walks back to bridge) Oh, alright, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
(breaks bridge, Balrog Maia falls, Gandalf trips over lightsaber and plunges
into abyss.)
Frodo: What'd he say? "Fly you fools?"
Gimli: I think he said "I'm a flyin' fool!"
(fade)