Home Literature Index Movies & Broadway Index Television Index Music Index Miscellaneous Index Submit Your Own

Rat Race

by jeanster

Arwen is taking Frodo to her father. Time is of the essence because of the poison in the Hobbit’s system. She and Frodo are on horseback. Arwen urges her horse to go faster before the Ringwraiths see them.

Meanwhile Aragorn and the other Hobbits continue on their way to Rivendell. Aragorn notices someone looking at them from above in a tree.

ARAGORN (thinking to himself): Well, well! I never thought I'd run into HIM here!

Aragorn tells the Hobbits to take a brief meal break while he scouts ahead. Sam, Merry and Pippin happily stop to eat. Aragorn sneaks off to meet the one who was up in the tree.

ARAGORN: We have a few minutes. It’s been such a long time. You're even more beautiful than I remember.

Scene cuts back to Arwen and Frodo. It turns out they have been going in circles and have now ended up by the edge of a river not far from the Hobbits and the Ranger.

Arwen is seething when she spies Aragorn and Legolas snogging and skinny-dipping in the river.

ARWEN: Frodo, we’re going to stop here for a just a little bit. I want to have a word with my boyfriend.

FRODO (thinking to himself): What?! I’m dying here and she wants to talk to her boyfriend?!

Arwen chants and in a few seconds some magic horses form in the water and speed toward the Ranger and the Elf.

ARWEN (screaming at Aragorn): Hi, honey! I’d like to have a word with you about our relationship!

Aragorn and Legolas are hit by the force of water and go under. A few minutes later they emerge, both sputtering and very angry.

LEGOLAS (to Aragorn): Call me after you rid yourself of her, okay?

ARAGORN: Arwen! You psychotic jealous bitch! It’s over!

ARWEN: Only because I say it’s over, you bastard!

FRODO (weakly): Hello? Hobbit dying here. Need assistance.

Aragorn and Arwen are still arguing. Legolas has walked away.

FRODO (thinking to himself): Fine! Just leave me here to die! Once I become a Ringwraith, you two will be the first ones I'm going after! Just you wait!