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[Two Black Riders have the Hobbits cornered on Weathertop.
They approach Frodo.]
FRODO: Uh, look, I'm really, really sorry that I tried
to hide the ring from Sauron.
NAZGHUL: What does Sauron look like?
FRODO: What?
NAZGHUL: What does Sauron look like?
FRODO: Um, he's a big flaming eye...
NAZGHUL: Does he look like a bitch?
FRODO: What?
NAZGHUL: DOES HE! LOOK LIKE! A BITCH!?
FRODO: What?
NAZGHUL: Why do you keep saying "what"? Is that some
kind of Elvish dialect!?
FRODO: What?
NAZGHUL: ELVISH, ASSHOLE! DO YOU SPEAK IT!?
FRODO: What?
[The Black Rider pulls out a short sword and jabs Frodo
in the shoulder.]
FRODO: AAAAAH!
NAZGHUL: Say "what" one more time! Say "what" just one
more time! I dare ya!
* * * * *
[Morning. Aragorn and Arwen are out in the forest. Arwen
is just waking up. Aragorn has already started to break
camp.]
ARWEN: Mmmmm. I feel like having blueberry flavored
lembas for breakfast...
[Aragorn suddenly starts franticly looking through their
gear.]
ARAGORN: Honey, where did you put my shards?
ARWEN: Shards?
ARAGORN: The shards of Narsil. Where are they?
ARWEN: Aren't they in there?
ARAGORN: Honey, this is really important. The shards
of Narsil hae been in my family for generations. My
father had to hide them up his ass when he was a prisoner
of war. Now think. Did you remember to pack them when
you left Rivendell?
ARWEN: Yes.
ARAGORN: Are you sure?
ARWEN: ... No.
* * * * *
[Gandalf is a prisoner at the top of the tower of Isengard.
He is tied to a chair and gagged. Right next to him
is the Balrog, also tied to a chair and gagged. They
both have fresh bruises from their recent battle. Grima
Wormtongue stands across from them.]
GRIMA: The only one who decides who dies in Isengard
is Sauruman.
[Grima glances over his shoulder.]
GRIMA: Here comes Sauruman.
SAURUMAN: I think we're gonna need the cave troll.
GRIMA: The cave troll is sleeping.
SAURUMAN: Well wake the cave troll up.