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The skies burst into thunder seared with lightning. Down like lashing whips
falls a torrent of black rain. Fire and smoke shoot up from the Crack of Doom.
Sam
What the fuck is happening?
Frodo
I accidentally pushed Gollum into the Crack of Doom!
Sam
Why the fuck did you do that?
Frodo
I didn’t mean to do it! I said it was an accident.
Sam
I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit in my time, but -
Frodo
Chill out man, it was an accident, okay? You hit a bump or somethin’ and the
Ring just went off.
Sam
Wasn’t no motherfuckin’ bump!
Frodo
Look! I didn’t mean to let this son of a bitch fall, okay? The Ring just fell
off, don’t ask me how!
Sam
Look at this mess! We’re in Mordor in broad fucking daylight-
Frodo
I know, I know! I wasn’t thinking about that…
Sam
Well you better be thinkin’ about it now, motherfucker! We gotta get the fuck
off Mount Doom. Nazgúl tend to notice shit like throwing the Ring into the fires.
Frodo
Can’t we just get to a friendly place?
Sam
This is fucking Morodor, Frodo. Gandalf don’t got no friendly fucking places
in Mordor!
Frodo and Sam exit to outside on the side of Mount Doom. Sam looks up and starts
yelling.
Frodo
Who ya callin’?
Sam
An Eagle buddy of mine from the Encircling Mountains, the Windlord.
Frodo
Where’s the Encircling Mountains?
Sam
On the other side of Middle-earth, by Arnor. If Gwaihir’s ass aint up there,
I don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do. I ain’t got any other partners in
the Dark Lands.
(to Gwaihir)
Gwaihir! How you doin’ man, it’s Sam.
(pause)
Listen up man, me an’ my homeboy are in some serious shit, we gotta get off
Mount Doom, pronto!
Enter Gwaihir from the sky, seeing them with his keen eyes, two dark figures
on the slopes of Mount Doom. Side by side they lie as Gwaihir sweeps down and
lifts them up and bares them out of the darkness and fire.