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2. EXT. HORSE DRAWN WAGON (MOVING) - MORNING
A rickety Horse Drawn Wagon creaks down the dusty back roads of the Shire. On
the drivers board are two people-- one a Wizard, the other a Hobbit – the wizard
wearing Homespun Robes and a pointy hat, the Hobbit standard Hobbit clothes,
with a thin tie. Their names are Frodo (Hobbit) and Gandalf (Wizard). Gandalf
holds the reigns.
FRODO
That did it, man -- I'm fuckin' goin', that's all there is to it.
GANDALF
You'll most certainly enjoy it. But You know what the funniest thing about Gondor
is?
FRODO
What?
GANDALF
It is the small differences. many the same things we have here, they have also
there, but there they are somewhat different.
FRODO
How so?
GANDALF
Well, in Rohan, you can buy Pipeweed at a theatre. And I don't mean in a rolling
paper either. They give you a pipe full of weed, like in a guest in your parlour!
In Minas Tirith, you can buy weed at Denethor's. Also, you know what they call
a Long Bottom Leaf in Gondor?
FRODO
They don't call it a Long Bottom Leaf?
GANDALF
No, they have no sense of the Shire there, they wouldn't know what the fuck
a ‘Long Bottom Leaf’ is.
FRODO
What'd they call it?
GANDALF
Sweet Galenas.
FRODO
(repeating) Sweet Galenas… What'd they call Silver Star?
GANDALF
Silver star remains Silver Star, but they call it the ‘King’s’ Silver Star.
FRODO
What do they call Old Toby?
GANDALF
I know not, I could not find Old Toby. But you know what they put on Mushrooms
in Gondor instead of Bacon?
FRODO
What?
GANDALF
Mutton.
FRODO
Goddamn!