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[Rolling Stones' 'Can't You Hear Me Knocking']
[voiceover] PESCI: See, Sauron's got it all worked out. He gives nine rings to the dwarves, seven rings for the men... he even got the elves to take three rings, you know, try 'em out for a while. Gifts. Yeah, right. Everybody thinks they've got this new power, but it all just leads back to Sauron, so anyone who accepts, he's got 'em by the balls. He's basically the boss of Middle Earth at this point. There's a few guys who aren't with anyone, you know, some elves and men, who go to war on him, but what the fuck are they supposed to do? On Sauron's turf in Mordor, against all those orcs, and their own bosses aren't backing 'em. So Sauron's all set to whack 'em, it's not even a fight, and this one lieutenant, Isildur, makes the luckiest fuckin' shot you ever saw, and gets the Ring off of Sauron. Sauron goes on the lam, end of story, or so it seemed at the time. I'm getting ahead of myself. This ring is the key to the enterprise... Sauron runs the whole ring racket with it. So Elrond, the elves' capo, tells him throw it into the fires of Mount Doom where they made it, but Isildur gets it into his head he's going to be the boss of Middle Earth. Well, it don't work that way. He only *thinks* he's going to be boss. The Ring's still loyal to Sauron, and it's tellin' Isildur any fuckin' thing he wants to hear. So Isildur runs off with the Ring, they find his body in a fuckin' stream, and the Ring's gone. Vanished. Nobody hears a peep about it for three thousand years. Then, can you believe it? The last person in the world you'd have guessed, it gets picked up by this Hobbit guy from outta the Shire, Bilbo Baggins, who just wants to sit in his den and smoke his pipe. He's running around Middle Earth with Sauron's one Ring of power and nobody knows what it is, not even Gandalf, this wizard's got him hoofin' around the woods with a bunch of dwarves, he's supposed to be so fuckin' smart, but even he doesn't recognize the Ring until Bilbo's a senior citizen. Naturally Gandalf doesn't want to carry it back to Mordor himself, so weasel that he is, he cons Bilbo's nephew Frodo into carrying it. Nice kid. Obviously he'd be the one to take it. But it's always the nice guys who take the biggest fall.