What if "The Lord of the Rings" Had Been Written as "Into The Woods"

Agony

by mocroidh

Gollum:
Did we abuse it
Or show it disdain?
Why does it run from usssss?
Now that we've lost it
How shall we regain?
The preciousss must come to ussss!

Agony!
Beyond power of speech,
When the one thing we wantssss
Is the only thing out of our reach.

Sauron:
High in my tower,
I sit by the hour,
Seeking my ring.
Evil and cunning,
All goodness I'm shunning.
Where is that thing?
Where oh where oh where oh where oh-

Agony!
For the One Ring I cry,
Once I had all the power,
Now I'm a big flaming eye.

Both:
Agony!
Can you hear our loud screech?

Sauron:
What's as intriguing-

Gollum:
Or half so fatiguing-

Both:
As what's out of reach?

Gollum:
Are we not treacherousss,
Clever,
Ill-mannered,
and paranoid,
Ravenoussss,
Scheming,
As rude as we're ugly
And 500 years old?

Sauron:
You are everything the ring could wish for!

Gollum:
Then why no-?

Sauron:
Do I know?

Gollum:
The world must be mad!

Sauron:
You know nothing of madness
Till you've lost your One Ring
And you can't do a thing,
All your plans are on hold,
Without one band of gold:
Where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh

Both:
Agony!

Gollum:
Misery!

Sauron:
Woe!

Both:
Though it's different for each.

Gollum:
Nassty hobbits! They took-

Sauron:
I'll slay them with a look!

Both:
But it's just out of reach.
Agony!
Oh, that glittering thing!

We must find the One Ring!