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The opening sequence shows Bilbo's birthday party. Pretty
girls in revealing dresses dance and show hugely seductive
gyrating body parts. The sequence ends with the sudden
disappearance of Bilbo.
Cut.
Bilbo is lying wounded by an arrow in his home. All
his friends and relatives are gathered around him. He
passes on a ring to Frodo and dies. Frodo first cries,
then in a dramatic change of expression, assumes a grim
and determined face and thunders, "I swear upon my mother
that unless I avenge your death, I shall not rest in
peace."
Cut.
Frodo and Samwise start from their home. Out of all
the people who have come to see them off, the camera
shows the faces of two lasses, one a very pretty one,
and another not-so and slightly chubby, both wearing
designer clothes and have tears in their eyes (but not
on the face, mind. That would destroy the makeup). A
wailing music of seperation is in the background. The
sequence ends when Sam takes his first step out of the
Shire.
Cut.
Frodo is attacked by a ring-wraith. Before he can draw
his sword, Aragorn jumps out of nowhere and battles
with the ring-wraith. In this speeded up sequence, swords
flash rapidly and whatever they touch is burned away
with a sizzle. Ultimately, just as the ring-wraith has
the upper hand and is about to kill Aragorn, Aragorn
somehow kills him instead. (Sorry, the heroes cannot
be allowed to be killed so early).
Frodo is overwhelmed with gratitude. But Aragorn says
he must have owed something to Frodo from a previous
life. Frodo decides to accept Aragorn as his borther.
They show a song about the love between two brothers
and the responsibility of an elder brother towards the
younger one.
And on and on they go to Rivendell mowing down ring-wraiths,
meeting pretty women in beautiful clothes and singing
songs. Oh they also have a council in which they decide
to acquire the services of a holy man to cleanse the
ring.
The film ends with Aragorn fighting 10 URUK-HAI together
and killing them all. The way they fight is of course,
not to attack him from all sides at once, but to let
one of them do the fighting while the remaining others
dance around him, like in any good ol'fashioned fight
with one good guy fighting multiple bad guys.