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Look, if you had One Ring, one opportunity
To rule everything you ever wanted - one moment
Would you claim it, or just let it slip?
His palms are dirty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's scars all over his body, Mordor's armies.
He's entranced, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop the Ring, but he keeps on forgettin
What he came for, the whole mountain roars so loud
He opens his palm, but the Ring won't fall out
He's waverin now, how Sam's yellin now
His resolve's run out. Time's up, over, Pow!
Snap back to Aragorn, Oh there goes Legolas
Shit, there goes Frodo, he caved!
He's so taken, and he won't give up the Ring,
No, he won't toss it, he knows his whole quest is shot
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so starved and he knows
When he goes back to his hobbit hole, that's when it's
Back to the Shire again yo
This whole quest is shit
He better claim this Ring and hope Sam don't attack him -
"You better lose the Ring in the fire, the moment
You own it, it will never let you go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to throw
This opportunity comes after all this crawling yo!"
His ring's escaping, through this finger that's missing
The Precious is Gollum's for the taking
Make Smeagol king! As he moves toward the, pathway's border
A servile life is boring, but the Precious is close to
falling over
It only glows brighter, only grows hotter...
He jumps him all over, his hands are all on him!
East to West knows, he's appointed Ringbearer
Lonely roads, if Gandalf had only known
He's grown farther from home, he's no warrior.
He falls over and barely knows his own danger
"Hold out your arm cuz here goes the hot lava"
His friend don't want him to die, he's hot hobbit
They moved on to the next rock that holds
Their bodies weak and eyes fadin
So the adventure is told and unfolds
I suppose it's game over, but the story goes on
La la lum la lum la la
[outside Mordor]
No more Sauron, I'ma change what you call Evil
Get this mothafuckin Troll off like an Oliphaunt feebled.
I was losin in the beginnin; the tide's all changed
I been surrounded and shot at and nearly lamed
But I kept slayin and destroyin with the next orc scream
Best believe some hobbit's dumpin the evil Ring
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get it on with my own Arwen
And I can't provide the right type of Queen for my kingdom
'Cuz man, this goddam Elf-Dad won't shut up
And it's no joke, there's no more Eowyn, that's just my luck
And these times are so hard and Im gettin even harder
Tryin to feed and spread my seed, plus
Watch passions flame up between a Lady and a Steward
Gimli-Legolas drama's screamin on
And too hot for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, Gondor's King or not
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like an Ent
I've got to inseminate my Elf 'fore I end up gay or senile
Arwen is my only mothafuckin option, Eowyn's not
Eomer, I love you, but this brotherhood has got to go
I will now grow old on Gondor's throne
So here I go is my shot
Stinger fail me not
'Cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got..
You can do anything your heart tells you, man.