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58. INTERIOR A PUB IN THE SHIRE
The canteen is about half full of hobbits busy eating and smoking pipes. At
a table sits GANDALF and FRODO. FRODO is deeply engrossed in a book titled “There
and Back Again” and GANDALF has a near empty cup of tea in front of him. The
old man is bored and looks about him slyly. He then looks at Frodo who is innocently
occupied, a malicious gleam comes into GANDALF's eye. He decides to have a go
at FRODO and sits staring at him. FRODO gradually becomes aware of the stare
and shifts uncomfortably then tries to continue reading his book.
GANDALF
(disgustedly to no one in Particular) Will you ever look at him, sitting there
with his hobbit hooter scraping away at that book!
FRODO
Well ... what's the matter with that?
GANDALF
(taking the book from him) Have you no natural resources of your own? Have they
even robbed you of that?
FRODO
(snatching back his book) You can learn from books.
GANDALF
Can you now? Aah ... orcs heads! You learn more by getting out there and living.
FRODO
Out where?
GANDALF
Out there! Middle Earth... but not our little Baggins ... oh no! When you're
not running around with the Tooks and the Brandybucks, you're tormenting your
eyes with that rubbish!
FRODO
(defiantly) Books are good!
GANDALF
(countering) Adventuring’s better!
FRODO
Adventuring?
GANDALF
(marching up and down in place) That's it, adventuring around the countryside...
trailing your coat ... bowling along ... living!
FRODO
Well, I am living, aren't I?
GANDALF
You're living, are you? When was the last time you gave a shield maiden a pink-edged
daisy? When did you last embarrass elf lass with your cool appraising stare?
FRODO
Eh ... you're a bit old for that sort of chat, aren't you?
GANDALF
At least I've a backlog of memories, but all you've got is that book!
FRODO
Aaah ... stop picking on me... you're as bad as the rest of them.
GANDALF
So you are a hobbit grown after all.
FRODO
What's that mean?
GANDALF
Do you think I haven't noticed ... do you think I wasn't aware of the drift?
Oh ... you poor unfortunate scuff, they've driven you into books by their cruel,
unnatural treatment, exploiting your good nature.
FRODO
(not too sure) Oh ... I dunno.
GANDALF
(confidingly) And that lot's never happier than when they're jeering at you
... and where would they be without the steady support of your stout little
heart, I'd like to know.
FRODO
Yeah ... that's right.
GANDALF
And what's it all come to in the end?
FRODO
(defensively) Yeah ... what's in it for me?
GANDALF
A book!
FRODO
Yeah ... a bloomin' book!
He throws the book down.
GANDALF
When you could be out there betraying a rich Gondorian widow or sipping elf
wine in Lothlorien before you're too old like me. A fine neat and trim lad the
class of you should be helping himself to life's goodies before the sands run
out. Being an old wizard's a terrible drag on a man and every second you waste
is bringing you nearer the Friday queue at the Prancing Pony.
FRODO
Yeah ... funny really, 'cos I'd never thought of it but being middle-aged and
old takes up most of your time, doesn't it?
GANDALF
(nodding) You're only right.
FRODO
(nodding back) I'm not wrong.
There is a pause, then FRODO rises and crosses to the door.
GANDALF
Where are you off to?
FRODO
I'm going adventuring before it's too late!
FRODO leaves and GANDALF laughs at what he has done, then realizes its full meaning and looks worried.