What if "The Lord of the Rings"had been written as a Support Hotline

Support Hotline

by TiberiusTribun

Frodo calling The Ring of Power Support Hotline

<Ringing>
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<Ringing>
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<click>
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[Recorded Female voice]
Thank you for calling the "Ring of Power" Support Hotline.
You will be connected to the next available operator.
Please hold the line.
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<Terrible midi 1.0 like sounding version of Beethovens "Für Elise" in infinite loop>
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..1 minute..
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[Recorded Female voice]
Thank you for calling the "Ring of Power" Support Hotline.
All our operators are busy at the moment.
Type "1" if you want to leave a message,
Type "2" if you want to stay in line and wait for the next available operator.
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<Button "2" dialtone>
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[Recorded Female voice]
You will be connected to the next available operator.
Please hold the line.
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<again some Beethoven>
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..1 minute..
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[Recorded Female voice]
Thank you for calling the "Ring of Power" Support Hotline.
All our operators are busy at the moment.
Type "1" if you... <Button "2" dialtone>
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[Recorded Female voice]
You will be connected to the next available operator.
Please hold the line.
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<and beethoven again>
[Frodo]
uuhh....
<head-on-table sound>
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..1 minute..
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[Recorded Female voice]
Thank you for calling the <click>

[Operator]
Hello this is the Ring of Power Support Hotline. How can I Help you?

[Frodo]
Hello this is Frodo Baggins speaking. I have a problem with my ring.

[Operator]
I see. What kind of Ring do you have?

[Frodo]
Uhhh... a Ring of Power of course..

[Operator]
Can you tell me it's model number please?

[Frodo]
model number? There is no number on it. There is only one Ring of Power after all...

[Operator]
Yes I know but I still need it's model number. You can find it on your user manual.

[Frodo]
User manual? What user manual? Look, I got the Ring from my uncle and there was no user manual. Gandalf told me what to do with it and he would have known if there was a user manual.

[Operator]<frustrated>
Yeah whatever. So you don't have the model number or user manual of your ring...
One moment please.
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<sounds of heavy typing>
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So what problem is it you have with the Ring?

[Frodo]
Everytime I use it, in the next moments some ringwraiths show up somewhere near me.

[Operator]
I see.
Can you tell me what kind of gloves you wear?

[Frodo]<annoyed>
What does that have to do with anything?

[Operator]
I need to know the ring's operating environment.

[Frodo]
I dont wear any gloves at all.
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<sounds of heavy typing>
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[Operator]
So what wraiths exactly did you encounter?

[Frodo]
Hell, they were Ringwraiths. You know, tall, black, riding on horses, no visible face...

[Operator]
Sorry Sir but I have to know the exact Type of wraiths as well as their names.

[Frodo]<angry, getting louder>
Their names? What should I do? Wait for them and ask them politely? I'd be dead in a minute.

[Operator]
No need for anger Sir. I just following the standard support procedure.
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<sounds of heavy typing>
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Have you already tried to reinstall the Ring?

[Frodo]
I did put it on and off if you mean that. It didn't help.

[Operator]
What version of DirectX do you have?

[Frodo]
DirectWHAT??? What are you talking about?

[Operator]
I' sorry Sir but I can't help you this way. I suggest you search for the user manual and the model number of your ring, write down the type and names of the wraiths when the problem shows up again. Then you call the support hotline again with all the information necessary.

[Frodo]
But..
[Operator]
Good day Sir.

<click>