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Saruman: "Why do you protect a world which fears and
hates you, old friend? We are standing on the brink
of a new age, the Age of Men, and who is better fitted
to rule Men than we? Check."
Gandalf: "You know very well why, Saruman."
Saruman: "The Ents cannot keep me a prisoner in this
tower forever, you know. Sooner or later, I will escape."
Gandalf: "And I, or others like me, will be there to
stop you, 'old friend.' Mate."
If it had been written by Gene Rodenberry:
"Middle-Earth. The final frontier. These are the voyages
of the Fellowship of the Ring. Its nine-man mission:
To explore strange old ruins. To seek out new escape
routes and ancient civilizations. To boldly go where
no hobbit has gone before!"
If it had been written by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman:
Frodo: "Gandalf!"
Gandalf: "Gandalf? Where??" [Looks wildly around] "I
say, isn't he dead? Fell into the caverns of Moria,
didn't he? Terrible sad ending, I must say. Heard he
was a very wise and noble fellow. Not to mention quite
the ladies' man."
Frodo: "Er, pardon me, sir, but I think *you're* Gandalf."
Gandalf: "Me?" [Looks stricken] "Well, I must say that's
rather a letdown. I'd been feeling a bit under the weather
lately, but I had no idea...wait! I know you! You're
Dodo Baggage!"
Frodo: "That's Frodo, sir. Frodo Baggins."
Gandalf: "Ah, Gogo, of course. Have you seen my staff?
I know I had it here somewhere..."
Frodo: "Oops! Here it is. You must have dropped it."
Gandalf: "Why thank you--Great bellowing Balrogs, Dildo!
What happened to your finger?"
Frodo: "It's Frodo, sir. And I lost it, along with the
One Ring, at Mount Doom."
Gandalf: [Pats him comfortingly on the back] "Well,
don't take it too hard, my lad. Happens to me all the
time. Losing things constantly. Like the box thing I
had over in that Earth place. Misplaced for centuries.
Buried in the desert. Must remember to write a thank-you
note to that Jones chap. Now hold on, where are you
going?"
Frodo: "On the white ship over there! Isn't it beautiful?
I wonder how they made it look just like a swan? Do
you think it will really go all the way to the Undying
Lands? I hope they packed enough provisons. Oooh, wait--"
[Dumps contents of a pouch on the ground] "I'm sure
I have a map of Numenor here--"
Gandalf: "Numenor flooded and fell into the sea long
ago, my boy."
Frodo: [Crestfallen] "Oh. Well," [brightens, packing
away junk] "then there must be a lot of Numenorean stuff
lying on the bottom of the ocean, right? You know, I
once met a gnome who had built this wonderful invention
he called an 'aqua-lung'. I bet if we went and borrowed
that we could--"
Gandalf: [Sighs] "This is going to be a very long journey..."