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(Pretenders guitar riff – Chrissy Hinds is mortified.)
Here, in my formerly nicotine-stained fingers, I hold notes for a new book. The Way the "Lord of the Rings" Ought To Be
(loud rusting of paper)
Sauron is the archetypical LIBERAL. He doesn’t understand that he’s defeated, he just keeps coming back for more (are you listening, Tom Dachle?) Their plan is to loot pillage and plunder - through HIGH TAXES AND BIG GOVERNMENT.
Sauruman, on the other hand, is a liar. He SEEMS like a moderate, but take a closer look and he’s an honest version of Bill Clinton.
And doesn’t the Balrog look suspiciously like the Junior Senator from New York? In the 2004 election, she’ll drag us all down into Khazad-dum.
Well Mr. Snerdly, let’s go to the phones. We have a cell phone call from San Diego. Hello, Wolfgang.
“Giga dittos from the Left Cost, Mr. Limbaugh, it’s and honor to be on the program.”
It certainly is.
“What I want to know is – What’s your Environmentalist Wacko pick for this week’s Helm’s Deep Bowl Game – the Fighting Uruk-Hai of Insengard U., or the Rhohan Riders?”
I like the Uruk-Hai over the riders by ten points. Their bench is MUCH deeper. Watch for the Isengard quarterback to throw a bomb right through the Rider defenses. They’ll have Rhohan on the defensive for the entire game. But, the Riders have been know to pull it out at the last minute.
But the Environmentalist Wacko Pick. They’d choose wild horses over ravening beasts any day of the week.
We’ll be right back after commercial. We’ve got a lot to talk about. Is Barad-Dur a secret training camp for Al Qaeda?