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PAGE 1
Title: COMES A HERO
Subtitle: Special Guest Heroes -- The Rivendell Five!
Plus Gandalf, Master of the Mystic Arts.
Caption: Written by Stan "the Man" Lee
Drawn by Jack "King" Kirby and Suave Steve
Ditko
Inked by Joltin' Joe Sinnott
Lettered by the Inevitable Artie Simek
(Spash panel. We see FRODO standing in the center of
the RIVENDELL FIVE HQ. He's holding up the RING in triumph.
Arrayed around him in a semicircle are GANDALF, ARWEN,
and the RIVENDELL FIVE--ELROND, GIMLI, LEGOLAS, ARAGORN
and BOROMIR.)
Caption: The person: Frodo, hobbit-hero
on a mission! The place: The garden penthouse
of the fashionable Rivendell Building, headquarters
of the Rivendell Five! The time: Right now,
effendi!
Frodo: You heard me right, guys and gals! Yours truly
has found the legendary Ring of Power!
PAGE TWO
(The interior of the Rivendell Five HQ, cont'd)
Frodo: So, where do I collect my reward for this
little trinket?
Elrond: Reward? I'm afraid there's a misunderstanding.
There's no reward...
Boromir: Methinks such heroic deeds are done for the
good of all, and not for filthy lucre!
Frodo: (thinks) Oh swell! Without reward money,
how am I going to pay for Uncle Bilbo's medicine?
(speaks) Sorry, my mistake. I'll just take my ring
and go home.
Elrond: Hold on there, son. That ring is evil.
Sauron will use it to cover all the world in a second
darkness. The ring must be destroyed.
Gimli: Alright, brainiac, enough yakking. Leave
it to me! I'll pulverize it!
Gandalf: By the Cats of Queen Beruthiel, you cannot
destroy the ring by brute force! The only way
to destroy it is in the fierce fires of Mount Doom.
Boromir: Mount Doom? That lieth in Mordor!
Legolas: Are you suggesting we walk right into a country
that's ruled by Sauron, our greatest arch-enemy?
I think Mr. Wizard here has flipped his lid!
Gimli: Cool it, hot-head! Aragorn will find a
way in. He is the world's greatest tracker,
after all.
PAGE THREE
(The interior of the Rivendell Five HQ, cont'd)
Frodo: Aragorn? But--you were famous back when
my dad was a kid! How can you possibly
be so young?
Aragorn: The Numenorean Super-Soldier gene! It
slows down the aging process, and gives me
strength and agility beyond that of ordinary
men.
Legolas: Why should we trust this half-pint,
anyway? He broke into our HQ like a common thief!
And all the newspapers say he's wanted by the authorities
in Bree!
Gandalf: I will vouch for the hobbit! It was
I who, using my arcane arts, divined the true
nature of the ring. And it was I who sent Frodo on his
mystic mission! By the Teeming Towers of Minas
Tirith, we must take the ring to Mordor!
Elrond: Very well. We'll need supplies for the
mission. Let's head to the lab. I've developed a new
food concentrate called lembas that you
may find interesting...
Gimli: Food concentrate? For the love of Pete!
Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned hamburger?
(The group heads out of the main meeting room, except
for Frodo and Arwen.)
PAGE FOUR
(Frodo stands alone in the main meeting room. In the
background, Arwen gaves wistfully out the window.)
Frodo: (thinks) I thought the ring would be an easy
way to make money. Now I'm signed up for
a trip to Mordor? And I still haven't recovered
from my confrontation with Bombadil!* What have
I gotten myself into?
Caption: *As recounted in ish #3, natch! Smilin' Stan
Frodo: (thinks) There's Arwen! She's so beautiful...
All right, Frodo, just walk over and talk to her. Who
knows, maybe ...
(Aragorn and Gandalf enter. Arwen runs up and takes
Aragorn's arm.)
Arwen: There you are, tiger! A girl might think
you were leaving without saying goodbye!
Frodo: (thinks) Face it, Frodo Baggins--you may have
a ring of power, but you're still a big fat
zero with the ladies!
Gandalf: Come Frodo. The perilous path to Mordor
awaits!
Frodo: Gandalf, I wish that I had never seen the ring.
Why did it come to me?
Gandalf: Remember Frodo--with great power comes
great responsibility.
Elrond: Good luck! I'll stay here and monitor your
progress via telepathic link!
Gimli: Ain't it always the way? We're out taking all
the knocks while the boss man kicks back
and relaxes!
PAGE FIVE
(The fortress of Isengard. SARUMAN is consulting with
SAURON using the palantir.)
Caption: Yet even as the heroes hit the road,
two sinister forms confer in a meeting of
malice.
Sauruman: So it's agreed --you'll take out your
old enemies the Rivendell Five, while I will
deal with Gandalf and that upstart hobbit
that's been in the headlines lately.
Sauron: Of course, my white-clad friend. This arrangement
will benefit us both!
Sauruman: Indeed. Farewell! (thinks) Little does that
old fool suspect! While he's wasting time with
those Rivendell morons, I'll snatch his precious
ring!
(We switch to Sauron in the interior of Barad-dur.)
Caption: But Saruman's plans are not as secret
as he thinks...
Sauron: (thinks) The idiot wizard is probably
already thinking about double-crossing
me! But no matter. My plans are in place. Soon I will
rule all of Middle Earth! If only I could achieve
true coporeal form! If only I could have a ... a
body! With ten fingers! Instead, I'm cursed
to remain an insubstantial spirit, while all
those flesh things look down on me and laugh!
But I'll have my revenge on the flesh world. They will
pay! (speaks) They ... will ... PAY!
PAGE SIX
Caption: Meanwhile, all mayhem has broken loose
at the entrance to the fabled Mines of Moria.
(Fight scene: the WATCHER IN THE WATER holds Frodo up
in the air in one of its many tentacles, while the other
heroes attack the creature on the ground.)
Frodo: Guess you're all hands, eh squid face?
Don't take it personally, but I'm not that kind of
a hobbit!
Boromir: More deeds and fewer words, mine
hobbit friend! Take that, foul dwimmerlaik!
(Boromir slices off the tentacle holding Frodo, and
Frodo falls to the ground.)
Frodo: Oof! Thanks, Boromir! Say, why do you hang onto
that crazy horn all the time? Starting your own
jazz combo?
Boromir: A fine jest, master hobbit! Nay, this horn
is but an heirloom of mine people. (thinks) He
must not suspect that, without the power of mine
mystic horn, I am as weak and feeble as a
mewling kitten! Yet if I had the ring of power,
then ... Nay! Such thoughts lead but to madness!
Gimili: For the love of--This overgrown refugee from
an aquarium must have been the Moria Street Gang's
idea of a joke! I'll pulverize 'em!
(Gimli storms into Moria)
Aragorn: Hold on Gimli!
(Gimli stands over several DWARF SKELETONS as the other
heroes enter Moria.)
Gimli: Hmmm, if this is the Moria Street Gang,
someone sure did a number on 'em!
Frodo: (thinks) My magic sword--glowing! (speaks)
Looks like we've invited ourselves to a big
orc bash!
Gimli: It's orc-bashing time!
(Orcs stream out of every nook and cranny.)
Orcs: Intruders! Get them!
Aragorn: Follow me, everyone!
PAGE SEVEN
(Spash panel. Fight scene. Aragorn is posed with his
feet roughly eight feet apart, holding his sword aloft
in a dramatic pose. Behind him approximately five thousand
ORCS are attacking the heroes, armed with swords, clubs,
and complicated machines made out of vacuum cleaner
pieces.)
Aragorn: Rivendell, Assemble!
Caption: And so the living embodiment of Gondorian
monarchy once again leads the forces of right
into the fray--and prevails. Yet, every battle
comes at a cost.
PAGE EIGHT
(An ORC impales Frodo with a spear.)
Frodo: Aaaaa!
Aragorn: Frodo!
Gimli: Take this, big, green, and gruesome!
(Gimli dispatches the orc with a single blow.)
Frodo: I--I'm all right. It was my shirt....
Gimli: What th-! A mithril shirt! That little
doodad must be worth more than all of downtown Minas
Tirith put together!
Frodo: Not mithril, Gimli. Adamantium. It's a
thousand times stronger than mithril!
Gandalf: By the Nattering Nabobs of Nimrodel!
There's more about you than meets the eye, Frodo
Baggins!
PAGE NINE
(Something ominous lurks in the dark at the end of the
corridor)
SFX: RRRGH!
Legolas: What was that?
Gimli: More of 'em!
Gandalf: By Thror's Hammer! Now we face our most
fearsome foe of all--a Balrog of Morgoth!
The rest of you go on ahead. I'll--I'll face it alone.
Frodo: Don't be crazy, Gandalf! That thing looks like
it eats wizards for breakfast!
Gandalf: Sorry, Frodo, but I must. It's the only
way. Now, fly, you fools!
(The BALROG appears)
Balrog: GRAAGH!
(Gandalf confronts the Balrog, eldritch power flowing
through his staff.)
Gandalf: By the Secret Fire of Arnor -- You shall
not pass!
Caption: Next Issue: FAllS A HERO. Don't miss
it!