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(Fantasy music -- strings, flute, a dark undertone of
brass.)
ANNOUNCER
An epic adventure sixty years in the making. Excitement
as you've never seen it before. He was lied to. Kidnapped.
Left for dead. All alone in a dangerous world.
(Music swells to a sudden stop)
BUGS
Of course you know THIS means war.
FOGHORN (singing)
Oh, the Road goes ever, ever on, doo-dah, doo-dah....
The road --
ANNOUNCER (v.o.)
Warner Bros. LORD OF THE RINGS!
FOGHORN
-- goes ever, ever on, ohhh, doo-dah day!
ANNOUNCER
With all your favorites! Gandalf!
FOGHORN
BIL- I say, BILBO, boy! Pay attention when I'm talkin'
to ya, son.
ANNOUNCER
Gollum!
DAFFY
Yooooou're deth-PIC-able, my Prethiouth.
ANNOUNCER
Boromir!
YOSEMITE SAM
GREAT HORNY TOADS! Th' RING!
ANNOUNCER
Strider, the Returning King!
PORKY
A-all right, everybody. The fate of m-Mi-m-Mi-m-Mi,
the fate of m-Mi-m-Mi- oh, get out there and kick Orcish
butt!
ANNOUNCER
Merry and Pippin!
TOSH
After YOU, my dear Meriodoc.
MAC
Oh, no, after YOU, my dear Peregrine.
TOSH
I couldn't possibly. After you.
MAC
I wouldn't think of it. After YOU....
ANNOUNCER
The evil of Saruman!
WILE E.
... Wile E. Saruman, Master of the One Ring. I like
the way that rolls out!
ANNOUNCER
The Mouth of Sauron!
MARVIN
We're going to conquer Middle-Earth! Isn't that lovely?
Mmmm?
ANNOUNCER
The dreaded Tasmanian Balrog!
(Taz sound effects. "BULYA BLEARGH BWU-BWU-BWUEEAH....")
FOGHORN (exasperated)
Ya got -- I say, ya got me shakin' in my boots, boy.
Listen, why don't you just hold my anvil, heah, ovah
by this cliff, so's I can tremble proper-like?
TAZ
... uhhhh... Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
(Orchestra hit, long whistling plummet, impact)
FOGHORN
Nice boy, but he's sharp as a bowling ball. Onward!
(oboe, "uh-oh")
TAZ
Why for you bury me in the cold cold ground?
FOGHORN
A-hah, a-heh-heh, a-haha, a-her, oooooooog....
ANNOUNCER
And the unspeakable Dark Lord himself....
HENERY HAWK
Okay. I'm Sauron. Are you gonna give me The One Ring
quietly, or do I haveta muss ya up?
ANNOUNCER
Plus many, many more!
TWEETY
Bad ol' puddy Elf!
SYLVESTER
Why, you little Dwarvish entree!
YOSEMITE SAM
Wobbits is sooooo stupid.
([BEEP BEEP] *------------)
FOGHORN: WHOA, SHADOWFAX! WHOOAH! I SAY, WHOAH!! AW-HAW-HAW-HAW,
C'MON, WHOA!
ELMER
Gweetings! Wewcome to Wivendeww. I am Ew-wond Fudd.
Hahahahaha!
ANNOUNCER
All the magic! All the adventure! Warner Bros.' LORD
OF THE RINGS! Coming soon to a theatre near you. If
we can just get it out the door.
TOSH
Nonsense! You went first last time!
MAC
I never did!
TOSH
It's very gracious of you to offer, but I insist.
MAC
I insist just as much.
TOSH
I can insist more than you can.
MAC
You probably can, but nevertheless I insist.
BUGS (v.o. the next-to-last two lines)
Ohhh, bruddah.
(bomp-bom-ba-BOMP!…………boomp.)