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Re: Bereg’s Fanciful Notions as Printed in the Biased Record
It is with no small sense if dissatisfaction that I read Mr. Bereg’s response to my just and righteous claims. While I balk at using the term “libel” to describe portions of his account, as the old epoch goes: if the shoe fits…
The so-called “overlordship of the Númenórean line of Kings” in Middle Earth was nothing more than a self-gratifying exercise in overweening pride and nationalism merged with equally questionable practices of colonialism. I should point out that Númenor had no dominion in Middle Earth, the Númenóreans having been granted a charter by the Valar to their own great island kingdom far to the West of Middle Earth. I should also point out that my previous employer, one Melkor Morgoth -- a Vala himself -- had already staked a legal claim of dominion over Middle Earth as it was uninhabited prior to his arrival. Also, in direct opposition to Bereg’s claims, it was not I who instigated war with Númenor, but rather the elves who instigated trouble by trespassing on Morgoth’s dominion claiming they were “seeking recompense for lost property” or somesuch nonsense.
Even if their outrageous claims were true, I was not even involved, being only a minority stockholder in Morgoth’s holdings at the time and not responsible for any of his maverick business practices. Númenor, regrettably, was brought into the affair at the request of these same elves, who, after successfully lobbying the Valar to have Mr. Morgoth evicted, brought their grievances to my doorstep in Mordor while squatting on my former employer’s lands -- which, incidentally, by legal right passed to me, as I was the sole remaining senior officer of the company after Morgoth’s humiliating removal.
In what I feel was an incredibly gracious gesture on my part, I welcomed the Númenórean delegation, despite their obvious intentions of attempting a hostile takeover of my holdings, and even served the Númenórean king and his descendants as a state adviser for years thereafter without pay. When the Númenórean enterprise foundered some years later after an unsuccessful attempt at a hostile takeover of the Valar (or, as I like to put it, the arrogant twits finally got too big for their britches and reaped what they’d sewn), it was they who, with the assistance of those same miserable, troublemaking squatter elves, instigated war against me when I attempted to pick up the pieces and get the company going again! This, of course, is where the usage of the rings came into it -- a misunderstood stroke of genius on my part. Eru forbid they allow me to help them! Oh, no! And this after wrongful termination from the service of the king and the irreplaceable casualty of my corporeal body! Enough was enough, people, of course I was going to fight back!
The wars and disturbances upon Middle-Earth have, in fact, Mr. Bereg, nearly always been the result of the elves’ instigation. They have incessantly urged the Númenórean and non-Númenórean peoples of Middle-Earth to wage war upon its rightful ruler, namely me. Do you do your own research? Or are all men of Gondor so short-sighted? Unequivocally, the events of the War of the Ring as translated by Mr. Tolkien from records left by the Hobbits are inaccurate and biased. I should sue the lot of you for slander, let alone damages.
Mr. Sauron
President/CEO, Mordor, Inc.