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Legalese - Lawyerese

by Jouster

The Party of the First Part, consisting of, forthwith:

Frodo Baggins, a Hobbit of the Shire
Samwise Gamgee, a Gardner for Frodo Baggins, aforementioned

and their heirs and designees as provided in statements witnessed and executed under the laws of the jurisdiction in which they reside, does state their intent to remove from the world, end the existence of, and otherwise destroy or irredeemably damage to the point of uselessness one RING OF POWER (hereinafter, "Ring" or "the Ring").


Whereas such Ring is not a ward of the state, on the rolls of inventory maintained by the state, or otherwise under governmental control,
And Whereas such Ring has been under the de facto ownership of one Gollum (formerly Sméagol, sometime Hobbit of the Stoors), and such Gollum does now swear loyalty to and abide by the wishes of the Party of the First Part,
And Whereas the several person(s) who may have laid claim to the Ring have failed to respond to properly-placed notifications in local media within the legislated timeframe,

the Party of the First Part does hereby resolve that the Ring is their exclusive and rightful property, do dispose of in any manner they see fit.


Whereas the Congress of the Middle Earth has established laws under Section 15.2-426 of the Code of Middle Earth restricting littering upon and introduction of foreign objects into Mount Doom, and the Party of the First Part does so intend, this request for such permission is respectfully submitted this eleventy-first birthday, and is signed and witnessed by the Party of the First Part and an accredited Notary Public in the service of the State.

[signed],
Frodo B., Samwise G.

[signed]
Gandalf the Grey, Witness

I attest that I have examined the credentials provided by the aforesigned and did witness their signature hereto, on the power of my Notary.
[signed]
Bob
My Notary expires soon .