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Mesa was mindin mysa own beeswax one day when along comesa maxi-big powerful wizard Gandalf! Hesa be wantin mesa to be takin the one ring to the bom-bad Mount Doom!
Mesa no thinks so, but then the maxi-big bom-bad ringwraiths comes along and theysa bes trying to be takin the one ring back to berry bom-bad Sauron! How wude!
So mesa has a brisky mornin' munchin' and sets off with Qui-Gonn Strider, whosa turns out to be maxi-big king, the last heir of Isildur. Mesa not knowin' what to be thinkin' 'bout that, and then mesa finds out that he'sa goin' witha Arwen--man, is she p'etty hot or what?!
Anyway, we'sa went to where the elves be livin, being a place called Rivendell. They'sa had a bom-bad council and all, and mesa mighta been, well, a little clumsy and be agreein' to be takin' the ring to Mount doom. But Legolas, whosa berry bom-bad archer, and Gimli, whosa gotsa maxi-big axe, theysa be goin' too. And then Boromir, whosa be thinkin' he should be havin the ring, not mesa. So wesa sets off with Gandalf and mysa friends, headin' for all sortsa bom-bad troubles.
Wesa tried to cross the mountain, but the snows be working against us, comin' all hard and early because of the bom-bad wizard Saruman, who used to be maxi-good with Gandalf but decided to be bom-bad with Sauron. Mesa be wonderin' why the bom-baddest guys names sound almost alike.
So mesa said wesa gonna follow Gimli's idea and go throughsa the mines of Moria. What a wude place! There was lotsa orcs, and lotsa fightin' and a cave troll, the maxi-big bom-baddest was a maxi-big boyo that Gandalf called a Balrog. Gandalf be fightin' him somethin' fierce, but then the Balrog made Gandalf fallin with him into fires and bom-bad places. Wesa thought he was dead!