What if "The Lord of the Rings"had been written as Everquest

Everquest

by RickJay

Welcome to EverQuest!
You have entered The Mines of Moria.
/loc
Your location is -74351.13, 66398.89, 12.65.
Gimli says, "No! [Balin]!"
/say Who is Balin?
/say What about Balin?
/say How can I help with balin?
/say who the bloody goddamned hell is balin?
Gimli says, "Balin was my cousin and the [King of Moria]!"
/say What about the King of Moria?
/say King of Moria?
/say screw it
/skill 3
You have no idea what direction you are facing.
Aragorn tells the group "We should get going."
You are encumbered!
You say, "The Ring is getting heavy."
Legolas ssays, "I hear something approaching."
Boromir shouts, "Train to crypt room!"
Gimli says, "Look out! A Orc is incoming!"
/assist gimli
n orc says, "It's Hobbits like you that have ruined your own lands! You'll not ruin mine!"
/con
An orc looks at you threateningly - you should win this fight, but it's not certain.
/a
You hit an orc for 4 points of damage!
An orc swings at you, but misses!
Legolas pierces an orc for 32 points of damage!
Legolas has slain an orc!
You have gained group experience!
Your faction standing with Orcs of Moria got worse.
Your faction standing with Mordor got worse.
Your faction standing with The Fellowship got better.
A cave troll says, "grrooooowwwwwl!"
/con
A cave troll looks at you threateningly - what would you like your tombstone to say?
/a
You hit a cave troll for 5 points of damage!
A cave troll pierces you for 109 points of damage!
You have been knocked unconscious!
Gimli has slain a cave troll!
You gain group experience!
You have reached a new level!
Welcome to Level 5!
/shout Ding!
Samwise shouts, "Gratz!"
Legolas shouts, "Gratz!"
Pippin shouts, "you sux0r!"
You are conscious again.
/petition I wish the Ring had never come to me!
Gollum tells you, "Then give Precioussss back, evil Bagginssss!"
/who gollum all

[Level 22 Rogue] Gollum (Obsessed Ringbearers) zone: moria
There is 1 player who matches your search criteria.

/tell gandalf Gollum's following us!
Gandalf shrugs.
Merry says, "What's THAT??"
Gandalf says, "It's a balrog! Run!"
You are encumbered!
/g I need a SOW!
You are encumbered!
Gandalf shouts, "You shall not pass!"
Gandalf hits a balrog for 588 points of damage!
A balrog hits Gandalf for 834 points of damage!
Gandalf has slain a balrog!
You get group experience!
Your faction standing with Creatures of Shadow and Flame got worse.
Your faction standing with Tolkein Geeks got better.
Your faction standing with The Fellowship got better.
Gandalf has died!
/shout Noooooooooooooooooooo!
Aragorn says "We have to get out of here!"

ZONING, PLEASE WAIT...

You have entered The Rocky Outcropping.
Gandlaf tells you, "Can I get a rez? My body's in Moria and I'm in Rohan!"