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Laura: Okay, our next caller, you're on.
Caller: Hi, my name is Arwen. I'm in love with a younger man. However, I think he's interested in someone more his own age. I was wondering -
Laura: How much younger are we talking about here?
Arwen: Well, he's in his 30's, and I'm nearing 1000. Anyway, my question is -
Laura: What a minute! What are you doing running around with a man whose over 900 years younger than you? What kind of sick freak shacks up with an young chippie? Do you have some kind of self-esteem problem?
Arwen: Well, I'm an elf. We live a -
Laura: An ELF?! So you're one of those tree hugging hippie bastards whose always stoned or on acid! No wonder he's interested in someone else! Not only are you old enough to be his ancestor, you're probably wandering into his house late at night wasted out of your mind from some strange elfish ritual!
Arwen: That's not -
Laura: Shut up! I'm on a roll! My advice is that you date someone your own age and for GOD'S SAKE stop dropping fairy acid. It adds years to your skin. I should know. Next caller!