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Ray: Ha! We're back, you're listening to Ring Talk with us, Rick and Rack the Tappit Brothers, and we're here to discuss Rings, Ring Destruction, and-uh the answer to last week's puzzler.
Tom: I can hardly wait. (guffaw)
Ray: This one was given to us by Bilbo Baggins from Bag-End. After running from a dragon and being cornered by an ugly weirdo in a wet cave: What have I got in my pocket?
Tom: I have to say, this is one of the most Bo-o-o-o-gus puzzlers you've ever given.
Ray: Oh, hush up. The answer is this: a ring of power. Do we have any winners?
Tom: Oddly enough, we had over 144 entries by some fellow named Smeagol, but not one had the right answer. So no one wins the $10 gift certificate from Rings Dot Com.
Ray: Well, that's a first. But I guess it had to happen eventually.
Tom: Hey - do you know what time it is?
Ray: Time to change the air filters in our Uruk-Hai odor purifier?
Tom: No, it's time to play, Stump the Chumps! (weird music) This is the part of the show when we dig up a caller from a previous show to find our if our advice was wonderous, blunderous
Ray: Or scandalous. Who is our lucky player today?
Tom: Frodo Baggins from Bag-End. His problem seemed to be that his Ring wasn't starting reliably. Perhaps you remember:
(flashback music)
Frodo: And so when the wraiths cornered me on Weathertop, I put the Ring on, expecting to become invisible. But for some reason, they had no problem finding me and one even stabbed me with his poisoned sword.
Tom: What model is this again?
Ray: He already said, it's a Chrysler 1600 One-Ring. Weren't you listening?
Tom: Oh, yeah. By the way, was your name spelled with an "oh" or a "u"?
Ray: We already asked him that part too! Where have you been?
Tom: Out getting doughnuts, actually. Do you want one?
Ray: Oh for heaven's sake. Um, has it ever hesitated for you before?
Frodo: No, never.
Ray: Do you know anything about the previous owners?
Frodo: Well, my cousin Bilbo gave it to me, but before that he says it was owned by a little man named Gollum who ate fish all the time.
Tom: Fish! I knew it. Is the ring damp when you first start it up in the morning?
Frodo: Why, yes, yes it is!
Ray: Aw, no, you're done for.
Frodo: Why? What does that mean?
Ray: Well, these older models may have had very powerful engines, but they were susceptible to flooding. It's likely that this Gollum character didn't care and wore the ring fishing.
Tom: Or just as likely found the ring in the bottom of the river!
Ray: (chuckle) yeah, right. And when it started to work against him, he passed it on to your unsuspecting cousin, who pawned it off on you.
Tom: You know, you could just put up with the problem.
Ray: Yeah, right. I'm sure Mr. Frodo has better things to do than to put up with this. Plus, as time goes on, as you use it more and more, you're likely to fade away and become a wraith yourself! (HaHaHa!)
Tom: Which also has the benefit that you won't have to pay for your beer anymore.
[end flashback music]
Ray: So, what advice did we give to poor Frodo?
Tom: We advised him to sell it to some unsuspecting chump for the first gold coin he could find. Because the only honest thing would be to toss it into the lava of Mount Doom.
Ray: OK, Frodo, are you on the line?
Frodo: Yes.
Tom: Now, before you answer, we need to confirm that we haven't spoken since your last appearance on Ring Talk.
Ray: And that the answer you're about to give has not been influenced by our staff, the staff of NPR, or that brilliant "Light of Galadriel" charm that we sent to you.
Frodo: No, of course not.
Ray: So, did you sell the ring?
Frodo: Well, I took your advice more seriously than you may have thought. Because you mentioned that in good conscience I couldn't sell the ring to anyone else, knowing that it was cursed. So I decided to take it to Mount Doom to throw into the lava.
Tom: Get outa town!
Frodo: Absolutely. And it's been quite the trip so far. My best friend Sam and I met up with the previous owner, and have been working our way into Mordor.
Ray: Well I'll be. (fanfare music to indicate a correct answer)
Frodo: So you guys do give good ring advice...
Ray: Which you very wisely ignored. Good luck to ya, Frodo.