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"Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to say
Oh, I believe in yesterday"
--Lennon/McCartney, "Yesterday"
In the current spectrum of political endevors, it seems that the greatest power
is given to the greatest size. But great size does not equate great power, nor
does it give the powerful men the right to infringe upon those of smaller stature:
by this long, rambling sentence I'm writing while on crack, I mean of course
Frodo Baggins.
Oh fuck Frodo. Who the hell does he think he is? He's some small, punk-ass little
creature with a fucking ring. What's so special about him. Nothing! I should
carry the ring! I would use it to only create tolerance and superiority to women,
and to find myself a man. Not that I need a man.
You know what I said to that Elf the other day? I said, "Aragorn is a jack ass.
Leave him. I've already fucked him five times while high and in rehab with him.
He's my fucking bitch. You don't need his worthless ass. Go get yourself a job,
honey. Stop having your only major conflicts come between your father and your
lover. You know what father's are? They're punk-asses who'll sit on your couch
and get high on pain killers all day before running out on you and going to
Florida. Sure, every once in a while, they'll try to be cool, they'll try to
show up at your book signing or whatever you Elvish people have, but really,
who needs a man? I don't!"
That's right! I'm thirty! I live on my own! I don't need a man to support me!
I can get my own prescription narcotics and don't you forget it!
Of course, everyone should really worship and pity me--lots of pity. My life
sucked. My mother hates me. My family hates me. My best friend, Ruth, tried
to kill me for fucking her boyfriend. But I fuck lots of men. I've fucked midgets
like Frodo. I've even fucked Saron--and let me tell you how hard it is to fuck
a giant eye of fire--but I did it. I've fucked them all!
Of course, then I actually stayed in Middle Earth for a while, and do you know
how boring it is there? I mean, God, all the hobbits do is work and drink. You'd
think they'd be my kind of people, but their so stupid! I went to Harvard, for
Christ's sake! And they don't even know who Bruce Springsteen is! The horror!
Let me tell you, though, this ring, right. I don't see anything wrong with it.
It's a representation of the bondage women are forced into at the hands of mankind
in an attempt to enslave them to all that is unholy in the world. I mean, could
it be any more vaginal shaped? Of course it was created by a man, that's why
it needs to be destroyed.
Slowing down. Need more speed.
Speed was a good movie. Have you seen it?