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SAM: I say, Frodo! Is there a bird here in town to whom
you haven’t been engaged at one time or another?
FRODO: Oh, I imagine there might be a few.
SAM: Well, it was quite a blow to my ego to learn that
you were once engaged to marry my darling Rosie!
FRODO: That was ages ago, Sam! Old history, I assure
you!
SAM: Oh, dear. Would you look at the time? I have to
be running off now. Will I see you later at the Hobbits
Club for a game of darts?
FRODO: Wouldn’t miss it, Sam.
Sam leaves the apartment. Gandalf enters from the kitchen
carrying a tea tray.
GANDALF: Your tea, sir.
FRODO: Thank you, Gandalf. I’m afraid I’ll be requiring
more than tea from you at this moment, my loyal valet.
GANDALF: Would you be referring to the matter of Mister
Gamgee’s interest in Rosie of Rosie’s Tavern?
FRODO: Yes. I went to see Rosie yesterday to put in
a good word for Sam, but she somehow got the idea in
her head that I was interested in becoming engaged to
her again! And I couldn’t very well tell her that wasn’t
the case. Code of the Baggins, you know.
GANDALF: Indeed, sir.
FRODO: Any chance you can put that brilliant brain of
yours to work on coming up with a solution to my problem,
Gandalf?
GANDALF: I shall do my best, sir.
The doorbell rings.
FRODO: Now who could that be?
GANDALF: I shall endeavor to find out for you, sir.
Gandalf answers the door. A tall good-looking ruggedly
handsome man rushes past Gandalf.
ARAGORN: No need to announce me, Gandalf. Baggins! I’d
like a word with you!
FRODO: Aragorn! What brings you here?
ARAGORN: As if you didn’t know! Don’t play innocent
with me, Baggins!
FRODO: Pardon?
ARAGORN: Arwen and I had dinner last night. She could
not stop going on and on about you and the bravery and
courage you displayed in destroying that blasted Ring
at Mt. Doom! You did all that just to make me look inferior
in comparison to you, didn’t you? It’s all part of your
clever plan to steal Arwen away from me! You couldn’t
bear it that she’s no longer engaged to marry you. So
now you’re trying to stop her from marrying me! Admit
it, Baggins!
FRODO: Aragorn, you couldn’t be more farther from the
truth!
ARAGORN: Don’t lie to me, Baggins! So help me, if I
ever catch you near my darling Arwen again, I’ll break
your spine in four places!
FRODO: Uh, don’t you mean three places?
ARAGORN: That was yesterday. Now it’ll be four places!