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Gandalf's Speech:
Ladies and gentlemen of the Fellowship of the Ring
(and it's supporting cast).
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen
would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have
been proved by wizards, whereas the rest of my advice
has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Do not enjoy the power and beauty of the ring. Oh, never
mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of
the ring until you've faded completely into its madness.
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at parchments
of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now
how much possibility lay before you and how dangerous
this quest really was. You are not as clever as you
imagine.
Worry about the future. Or don't worry, but know that
not worrying is as effective as trying to battle a Balrog
on a rickety bridge with nothing but a staff and a silly
catch phrase. The real troubles in your life are things
that never crossed your worried mind but will cross
your path, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some
idle Tuesday. You will be doing one thing every day
that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't
put up with people who are reckless with yours. [Looks
at Aragon, and then at Arwen]
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy [Looks at Samwise
Gamgee]. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The quest is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your
old love letters. Throw away your old family heirlooms
[looks at Frodo].
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know how to finish this
quest. The most interesting people I know didn't know
at 200 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some
of the most interesting 4000-year- olds I know still
don't. Get plenty of lembas. Be kind to your knees.
You'll miss them when they're gone. Mayber you'll marry,
maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you
won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance
the funky chicken on your eleventy-first wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much,
or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance.
So are everybody's else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Dont' be
afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's
the greatest instrument you'll ever own [looks at Legolas].
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your shire.
Read the inscriptions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read massive message board threads. They will
only make you feel stupid and untalented.
Get to know your party members. You never know when
they'll be gone for good [Looks and Boromir]. Be nice
to your haflings. They're your best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the
future [looks at Merry and Pippin].
Understand that allies come and go, but with a precious
few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps
in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get,
the more you need the people who knew you when you were
fighting the fight of good versus evil.
Live in Mordor once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in the Shire once, but leave before it makes you
soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths. Princes will not
accept their future. Wizards will go bad. You, too will
get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when
you were young, princes were responsible, wizards were
noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders [looks at Elrond].
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have
a trustworthy friend. Maybe you'll have a weasly guide.
But you never know when either one might run off with
your ringfinger.
Don't mess too much with your feet hair or by the time
you're 40 it will Look 85. Be careful whose advice you
buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice
is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing
the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting
over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's
worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Um... I hoped you liked it....
Cheers